July 2, 2020

Founder Jen Bugajsky Reviews “The Queen’s Code” by Allison Armstrong

I want to share something with you that was a valuable resource along my journey. There is a book by
Allison Armstrong entitled, “The Queen’s Code,” that I believe every woman should read. When I began
reading the book, I couldn’t put it down. It was like she was speaking directly to me. There is a point
early in the book where she asks you to STOP what you are doing and take a vow. She wants you to
acknowledge the impact that emasculating men has on your relationships. I have to be honest and
share that I needed to look up the word emasculate. While I resonated with what she said, I was looking
for more proof on what this word really meant. Webster states “depriving a man of his male identity,”
and goes on to read “making someone feel weaker or less than.”

OUCH! That doesn’t feel good!

If you are not willing to take the vow, then she recommends that you stop reading the book. It was very
powerful. I vowed at that point I would never consciously emasculate a man again and would learn how
to be a better person. However, it is one thing to make the intention and another thing to follow
through on it. When you have subconsciously been emasculating men all your life, how do you just shut
it off? I want to still be a strong, confident and powerful woman and not let a man control me. Nobody
wants to be a push over, right?

I discovered this book about 3 years ago after my marriage had blown up. I journaled about the many
times I likely emasculated my husband. Realizing I had done this was a hard pill to swallow. No wonder
he didn’t feel like a man. No wonder he didn’t desire me anymore. I made him feel like shit! I didn’t
respect him or make him feel like a man. I remember a point in my marriage when my ex said something
to me like, “Can you let me have one last thing that allows me to keep my dignity? I don’t feel like a man
in any sense of the word.”

I am not here to male bash, but I am sure that many of you could be in relationship where you want the
man in your relationship to “man-up.” You want him to do things differently. You want him to meet your
needs. You want him to do more around the house. You want him to do more for the family. Well the
way I spoke to him certainly was not making things any better; in fact, my comments and the way I
showed up made things even worse.

The damage to our relationship had been done. Our marriage was over, but it doesn’t have to be that
way for every couple. If you are aware that you might be emasculating your man and are willing to learn
how you can shift your energy, you can help change things in your relationship. At The Freedom Keys,
we can help teach you how you can do that. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it is well worth the time
and energy you put into healing. Whether it is for your current relationship or for the benefit of your
future relationship, exploring healthy relationships and healthy sexuality will help you have more
abundance in all aspects of your life.

July 2, 2020

The 4 Ways You May Be Emasculating Men

As we explore letting go of control, let us take a deeper dive into why we might emasculate men in the
first place. Last month we discussed how women need to feel loved in order to respect a man and on
the flip side, a man needs to feel respected in order to love and desire a woman. It feels like a vicious
cycle. If you are not feeling the type of connection and intimacy you desire from your man, you are likely
emasculating your man without knowing it.

When I first started exploring this idea it made sense conceptually; however, I wanted to learn more. I
wanted to know what things I was saying and doing that were emasculating to men. Where was I
criticizing and putting a man down as opposed to encouraging him and lifting him up. We know it’s
important to honor and respect our husbands, but what we don’t realize are the little things. The little
jabs and hooks we throw that no one talks about that are the culprits.

I want you to think about the following questions…

– Are you a strong, confident, independent woman who feels disconnected with your partner?
– Do You feel frustrated your partner isn’t meeting your needs?
– Do You struggle with communicating with your partner and feel he doesn’t hear you?
– Does he shut down and refuse to open-up to you?
– Do you end up feeling like you need to do everything yourself and question if he even finds you
attractive or desirable?

If you answered YES to any of these questions you are likely thinking, “Are you a fly on my wall?!” It is
likely that you are emasculating your man and don’t realize it. One of the keys to creating deeper
intimacy and connection with a man is to understand men and the polarity between men and women. If
you show up in a controlling, demanding or pressured way, you will not get the results you desire, and
you will push your man away. The key to igniting intimacy with your man is to own your sexuality,
surrender control and show up in your essence as a woman.

We must learn to be a strong, confident, whole women, but not at the expense of crushing our men.
The key is to stop emasculating men and provide more respect and appreciation. We must show up
differently to our relationships. When we correct these habits as women, the vicious cycle of love vs.
respect stops and the desire and connection between you and your partner can re-ignite.
There are four ways that we emasculate men without realizing it. Trust me some of these things are so
simple that we don’t even realize we are doing it, because we have been behaving this way all of our
lives. Our female role models have done these things too without realizing how it impacts our
relationships with men. I have created a resource that educates women on the four ways that we
emasculate men. If you are interested in learning more, I encourage you to sign up for my monthly
online membership and this month you will receive the resource “How to Stop Crushing the Man.”

Learn more by visiting our services page or contacting jen@thfreedomkeys.com.

July 2, 2020

Control and the Emasculation of Men

Last month we talked about Celebrating Masculinity and the impact that male relationships have had in
our lives and how we understand sexuality. This month we are going to dig a bit deeper. So many of us
want the type of romantic relationships we saw growing up as kids in fairy tales. The relationship where
we are swept off our feet, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. Or as an adult, we crave the
deep intimacy we see on the Hallmark channel or in romantic movies where we feel the hot passion and
intense desire with the “man of our dreams.”

The truth is we desire connection and intimacy at our core. We have this hunger to be cherished,
treasured, loved and desired by a man. However, we don’t realize how embracing our sexuality, or not
embracing our sexuality, has a direct impact on whether we can achieve this deep intimate experience
we so desperately crave.

Do you want to know the #1 biggest thing that gets in the way of the intimacy we so crave? Control.
Our society has traditionally labeled character traits for boys and girls, and encouraged us as parents to
teach our kids what it means to be a “good girl” or “good boy.” However, the feminist movement has
inspired many women to change that mentality; stepping up to be strong, independent successful
women. We have been told we can do anything a boy can do, and at the same time, we have become
“too controlling” in our ways. With the desire to be strong, independent and confident, many women
have subconsciously put up blocks creating a false, inauthentic version of themselves without realizing
it.

I am not suggesting that women should not be strong and independent, they absolutely should.
However, I believe we have swayed too much to one side. It is not always about WHAT WE DO OR SAY,
it’s about HOW WE SHOW UP. In our efforts to DO MORE or overcome oppression in some ways, we
have lost a piece of ourselves.

When we are young and first in love, we show up different. We feel alive, passionate and on fire. There
is attraction, polarity and connection, which is a natural part of being a woman. As time goes on, this
attraction and connection can fade. With day to day life responsibilities, couples can tend to take each
other for granted and the spark that was once there seems to have diminished. Women are so busy
doing life that we just go through the motions at times. We become numb. There is no time for sex or
pleasure. It is more important to take care of our family, house, church, business or community. Women
are working themselves too hard striving to be successful, trying to keep it together and focusing on
serving and pleasing others rather than surrendering into the truest expression of themselves.
Women show up with an energy of having to DO IT ALL. We take it upon ourselves to be in control and
have forgotten how to surrender and let go. The truth is, in trying to maintain that control we end up
emasculating men more often than we realize. This need for control kills the connection with that
partner and “desire” in our relationships (as well as our orgasm). As a result, so many women live with
this feeling that SOMETHING IS MISSING, yet can’t put their finger on it. We don’t realize what is
underneath this hunger we so desperately crave. We are so busy focusing on our responsibilities that we
forget this deep hunger inside. We ignore it and show up in a way that emasculates rather than creates
connection with our partner.

When a woman learns to give up control and surrenders to the divine nature within her soul, she is filled
with more love and passion than she could have ever imagined. It is no longer about control,
responsibility or getting things done. She tunes into the essence of herself and feels with her body,
instead of thinks with her mind. When she learns how to respond versus react, and shows up with honor
and respect for her partner, she creates the connection and intimacy she so desperately desires.

April 26, 2017

Should I Spend Money on That?

How many of you find yourself struggling with “SHOULD I SPEND MONEY ON THAT?

What have you been taught about money?  Have you been taught the following?:

Money is the root of all evil
Money is not that important, its just money
Money doesn’t grow on trees, it is a limited resource
You need to save for a rainy day
It is selfish to want a lot of money

These are just a few of the top money and abundance blocks out there. I have personally struggled with my thoughts and beliefs about money.  It is never something that I really focused on.  However, as I created intentional focus on my thoughts and beliefs about money, I have seen some shifts in my life.

Money is a representation of the value that you provide to others.  It is an exchange for goods or services rendered.  It’s all about defining the VALUE that is created by the exchange.

How often do you make decisions based on a lack or scarcity mentality as opposed to an abundance and and prosperity mentality?  Many times we don’t invest in ourselves, because we are afraid to spend the money.  Which is the exact opposite of what we really want.  We allow ourselves to punish or sabotage ourselves unknowingly by not being true to ourselves and our desires.

KayakI remember last summer I was reintroduced to my love of kayaking.  One day I decided to take two of my boys for a surprise and went to the Naperville Riverwalk so that we could rent a kayak and go on the water,   When I got there, I looked at the price of the paddleboat vs. the price of the kayak.  While I REALLY wanted to rent the kayak, it was like $25 MORE than the paddleboat.  So I stood there, and questioned myself.  WHAT SHOULD I DO?  WHAT SHOULD I SPEND MY MONEY ON?

I almost rented the paddleboat and then something in me said NO.  You came here to kayak, so spend the extra money and get the kayak.  That is the REAL EXPERIENCE you want to have.   There is value behind the experience of having your boys experience a kayak vs. the paddleboat.  Don’t sell yourself short.   I did choose to rent the kayaks and we had an AMAZING experience.  I felt so good about my decision and the experience we had.  If I wouldn’t have spent the money, I would have felt bad that I didn’t listen to myself and would have wondered what we might have missed out on, however in the past I have deprived myself or chosen NOT to do something and ended staying in my comfort zone.  This felt SO MUCH BETTER and because I was true to myself and in alignment with what I wanted, I started to see shifts with my kids.  That was reason enough to say yes to my own desires.

How many of us, stop in our tracks and don’t spend money on what we REALLY want, thinking another option might save us money.  Each situation and person is unique on what they define as valuable, however, what I learned about myself was that when I saw VALUE in something, I would invest the money on it, however, if I saw it as wasteful or not worth it, then I wouldn’t spend the money.

I encourage you to think about WHERE YOU SPEND OR INVEST YOUR MONEY.  Do you invest in things for yourself?  If NOT, I would encourage you to reflect on why you are not valuing yourself enough to invest money in yourself.   Things shift for us when we are willing and open to shift our thinking. What could happen IF YOU INVESTED IN YOURSELF TODAY?

April 12, 2017

LiveYour Truth and Stop the Worry of What Others Think

Today I am doing something a little bit different, as I bring a video blog to you.

I have been writing a weekly blog for the past 4 1/2 years and I know how busy we can all get in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, that I have decided to introduce some video message and inspiration for you.  You can still get the same inspiration and wisdom and in addition you will get the opportunity to listen while driving in the car or getting ready in the morning.  You will also get the chance to see me and get to know me by experiencing me and my message as opposed to just reading about it.

I hope you enjoy and are still feeling inspired to unlock your presence power and potential.

March 22, 2017

Do you hold onto things that Paralyze you?

How many of us hold on to things that paralyze us?

Something happens and we spin in a cycle of anger, shame or humiliation and can’t seem to get ourselves out of it. The only way out is through. Accept what happened, feel the wave of emotions and then let them go. All emotions are portals to our next phase of learning and healing  It does us no good to complain about a situation or to wallow in our suffering or anxiety.  It’s also important to know that there are no good or bad feelings.   All feelings show up to teach us a lesson.  We must not label them and look for the gift that is available to us.

When we thank the situation for the gifts that it brings, we are able to feel in the moment, lean into the lesson, let go and move on…

If you are angry, maybe the lesson is trust yourself more.
If you are shameful, maybe the lesson is to have more courage and be enthusiastic about taking bold steps in your future..
If you feel humiliation, maybe the lesson is to claim more respect
If you are 

Releae let go

I had an experience last week that was absolutely humiliating.  It created so much anxiety in my body that I almost couldn’t function.  I kept reliving the experience and beating myself up.  When I realized what I was doing, I decided to give myself a timeout to take a nice hot bath.  I needed quiet time with myself to feel into what my body was trying to tell me.  I wasn’t going to get answers from anyone else.  People could tell me to let it go, you are worrying over nothing, but no words that anyone said were going to heal the pain.  I needed quiet time alone with me to go within and feel into the lessons that were right there in front of me.  There was SO MUCH healing that took place from this crazy incident that I am now super grateful for it.

How often do we create more anxiety for ourselves than we have to?  We spend countless hours, worrying, contemplating, hiding, being afraid, contracting and playing small.  At what cost? The time spent is NOT serving us.  We need to learn how to acknowledge and own what is going on, feel into the lesson and move on.  That is the only way through.

When we feel an emotion, it makes the experience of the opposite that much deeper. Maybe the situation you are going through is allowing you to experience deeper levels of Trust, Courage and Respect for yourself. How great is that!

Be grateful, feel the emotions and then let go.