If you are in a relationship, it is very likely that when you first started dating it was easy to spend time together.  You were head over heals in love with each other and put time and energy into the relationship to make your partner smile.  The truth of the matter is, anyone in a long-term relationship or marriage knows that the honeymoon magic starts to fade, and it can feel hard to reignite the spark and bring the romance back into your relationship.

This often happens simply because one or both people stop trying to create or pay attention to shared moments together.  There always seems to be something else to do or something more important.  In other relationships, couples can experience tension over who is going to get acceptance and acknowledgement from the other.  Women want to hear they are loved and beautiful and men want to hear they are good providers and have done a good job.  When either person is looking for acknowledgement from the other, it stops love in its tracks and the vicious love and respect cycle begins.

Romance is about creating an environment with a positive resonance.   This means creating an environment rich in sensory stimulation, physical proximity and time together.  These moments of positive resonance can’t be manufactured, but they can be cultivated and create memories that can last a lifetime.  They don’t just magically happen.  One person in the relationship must take the first step and create an environment conducive to create more love and romance.

What can you do, to create more ROMANCE in your relationship?

If YOU want more romance, intimacy and connection with your partner, YOU must take the lead to be in the consciousness of LOVE.  The happier YOU ARE in everyday things, the easier it will be to do something nice for you.  You see the key here is to BE IN RESONANCE OF LOVE so that you are a walking billboard of love.  Love, happiness and joy surround you all the time.  The goal is not for your man to rescue you, be your hero and pick you up when you are feeling down.   NOW, the beauty and benefit of a partnership is that when one person is having a difficult time, the other person can be there to support them, BUT the key to making this work is NOT to expect someone to save you.

Romance and love come from the heart.  A man will do something for a woman because he is inspired by the love and happiness she exudes, not because she tells him what to do or chases him by doing too much for him (like his mother).  So many of us women want love and romance and complain when he stops doing nice romantic things.  I want you to seriously reflect:

  • What are YOU doing for the relationship?
  • What are you doing to be in resonance with love?
  • How are YOU showing up?
  • What words are YOU using to describe your life, your partner, or your relationship?
  • How are YOU appreciating your man and yourself?
  • What can you do to “Spice” Things Up

 

 

 

 

 

HOW TO CREATE TRUE LOVE and PARTNERSHIP
If you really want to create true love and partnership in your life, you must begin by being in resonance with the consciousness of love.  It is learning to see the beauty, love and joy in everyone and everything, even when so called, “bad things” happen and not beating yourself up when things don’t go as expected.

In order to create this resonance of love, we must do more than “self-care” for ourselves.  Yes, making time for us is important and listed below are 30 simple and easy things you can do to focus on your physical, mental and emotional self-love practice.  While these are all wonderful things you can do for yourself, the goal is not to pick 3 things a day and check them off the list.  The intention is to keep love in the forefront of your mind and to bring love into every moment of every day.

Having a self-care morning practice is extremely important as it sets the tone for the day and having a self-care evening practice is wonderful as it allows you to relax and wind down before you go to sleep at night, so you can obtain a peaceful sleep.  We must not forget it is times during the day when everyday life activities happen that we need to keep LOVE in the forefront of our minds. We must remember the simple little things that bring us joy, happiness and pleasure in the precious moments of our day, not just during our “planned self-care time”.

 

PHYSICAL MENTAL EMOTIONAL
Drink herbal tea Read a book Buy yourself flowers
Take a luxurious bath Listen to music Say affirmations to yourself
Go out for a nice dinner Make a vision board Keep a gratitude journal
Get a manicure or pedicure Learn a new skill Light your favorite candle
Diffuse some oils Take a walk in nature Breathe and Meditate
Cook your favorite meal Turn your phone off Journal & reflect on the day
Exercise Listen to a motivational quote Call a friend
Get a massage Do a fun project Send a thinking of you text
Snuggle or a hug Paint, draw or write Make a candlelight dinner
Play with kids or dog Sing. Dance or laugh Go on a date

 

To experience any great relationship, you need to cultivate the relationship and make time for each other.  If you want to build relationships with customers, you make time for them. If you want to have a great relationship with your partner, you need to set an intention and put in time and effort daily.  The same goes with being in resonance of love.  You need to set focused intentions to have an epic love affair with yourself daily.  When you focus on living a life of love, you begin to radiate that love in all that you do.  It is not our partner’s job to make us happy and to remind us of how amazing we are.  It is OUR JOB to love ourselves so much that our love is overflowing and inspiring to others.

When you LOVE who you are at your CORE, your radiance shines so bright, that others are inspired by the love you exude in this world.

LOVE IS:

Sometimes the simplest question can be the most difficult to answer. My dad used to always say love is a verb, it’s an action, it is not just a feeling.  Love is something you freely give to make someone feel special without expecting anything else in return.

How many times do we often put conditions on our love without realizing it?  We want our kids to respect us and do what we say.  We want our partners to meet our needs.  We want our parents to accept our choices.   When someone doesn’t respond in the way we would like, it can be easy to get triggered or feel bad.  We have ALL done it.

The truth of the matter is that STRENGTH in love comes from being unconditional in our giving and not expecting anything from anyone in return.  It is truly being responsible for our own happiness.   Love can be described in so many ways.  I polled a bunch of people to ask them their definition of love and here are some answers

LOVE IS
 – Vulnerable – Allowing someone to see your flaws and imperfections with no judgment
Effort – Putting in the time, energy and focused effort to show how much you care
 – Respect – Honoring and respecting each other’s beliefs, dreams, fears, faults and failures
Accepting –  Not trying to change the other person, allow them the freedom to choose for themselves
Compatible – Enjoying fun things to do together
Great Conversation – Sharing deep intimate thoughts and moments together
Growing – Learning from mistakes, taking personal responsibility and growing independently together
Inspiring – Leading by example and Inspiring me to grow into a better version of myself
  – Patience – Trusting that time will heal
  – Kindness – Giving grace and forgiveness at all time
Listening – Meeting someone where they are at and paying attention to their needs
– Living – Knowing each other’s language of love and living it

If you asked a child love might look like:

– coloring a picture with me
– making my favorite meal or taking me to my favorite restaurant
– tucking me into bed at night
– Making my lunch for school
– Asking me how my day was or helping me with my homework
– Playing ball with me
– Baking cookies together

It seems easy to outline these items above, however, I also want to share some tough times when it can be hard to show up in unconditional love

accepting your loved one when they make a poor choice and not judging them for it
knowing your kid appreciates you even though you don’t expect him to say it
knowing your partner had a busy day and not seeking attention from him to brighten your day
not worrying about feeling the need for validation when you send a text to your partner
trusting your loved one when they make a decision that is different than what you would have chosen
believing your partner will step up to the plate without you nagging him about how to do it
letting go of control of how you believe something should be done
patience in letting your kid make his own mistakes as opposed to saving him or telling him what to do

These are just a handful of situations where it can feel harder to show up in love and kindness.  Yes, we want to be there for our loved ones, BUT when their actions or choices trigger us, this is an opportunity for us to dig deeper and see how we can show up in more and more love.

LOVE changes people. LOVE inspires people. LOVE IS what makes the world a better place.

SHAMELESS SELF-LOVE

If women really want to experience the love and intimacy we crave, it begins with Shameless Self Love. I believe we create and manifest all aspects of our lives.  We magnetize our own reality to us and if we are not experiencing the love and intimacy we so desperately crave, let’s look at why!!!

What is getting in the way of you experiencing the depths of love you desire?

There is a part of us and our little girl that has a need to feel worthy and deserving of love and attention.  If we experienced any trauma or event as a little girl that skewed our vision of love, the imprint of that memory lives inside of our bodies (whether we consciously know it or not).   If we believe we should be punished or are not deserving of love, then we will not attract the type of love our heart truly desires. We will push away love, feeling we are not worthy of it or we will look to a man to rescue and save us from ourselves.  This is one of the many reasons so many marriages end up in divorce.

As a little girl, whenever I was afraid, I ran to my grandfather for love and attention.  That love and affection turned into inappropriate signs of love and skewed my view on love from boys and men.  I remember feeling like I always needed a boy in my life.  I didn’t know how to fill myself with love.  I thought I needed to find a man that would rescue me like grandpa did, but when I realized that type of love and affection was not appropriate, I felt ashamed and unworthy of the love I desired.  I had misunderstandings of what love really was ever since I was a little girl.  I can remember from a very young age, not feeling comfortable saying I LOVE YOU to my parents.  They used to say it all the time, but the words would never come out.   I always wondered why I didn’t feel comfortable saying I LOVE YOU, when they were such loving people.

– Did I feel they were NOT worthy and deserving of my LOVE?
– Did I feel betrayed by them?
– Did I feel they didn’t protect me?
– Did I feel that they hurt me?
– Did I feel abandoned by them?

These were some questions for ME to dive deeper into regarding my views of love.  We all have different perspective of what we were taught about love.  If you have struggled with putting yourself first and find it hard to give love to yourself, I encourage you to journal on some of the questions below:

  • What did your parents tell you about love and relationships?
  • How did your parents show love to each other?
  • Did your parents live a life serving others first? Or did they teach you the value of self-love?
  • Did you ever feel abandoned by either parent?
  • Did you feel your parents hurt you or didn’t protect you?

If we do not dive deeper into what we were taught about love as a little girl, it will impact NOT just our partnership, but it will also show up in other places in our lives, including our business.  LOVE is about self-respect, self-esteem, self-confidence, self- image and self-worth.  If we do not believe that we are worthy and deserving of love, money, happiness etc… then this imprint will expose itself in how you show up in ALL aspects of your life.  Truly loving yourself is valuing who you are!

If you want to experience blissful, epic love, you have to create it for yourself.  You can do this by embodying and embracing the highest consciousness of love first.  In this place, you will not only feel greater love, you will attract more of it to you.

Love starts within.  It begins with loving yourself so deeply that you feel it in your bones.  You begin to radiate a love so deep that that your radiance shines forth and you begin to attract more and more love to you.  You no longer need to look for love, you become love.  When you show up and radiate love, you open yourself up to the love you deserve.

So how exactly do you learn to love yourself first?  You allow your little girl to be free and awaken the Shameless Self-Love within you!

 

What is Unconditional Love Anyway?

How often to you offer love with “strings attached”, without knowing it? Or have an expectation of that if someone loves you they will do something for you?

The day before Christmas, my boys were all together under the same roof for the first time in months.  All I wanted for Christmas, was my boys to take a nice family photo.  I believed I was not expecting too much.  But all hell broke lose when one of my son’s REFUSED to take a family photo.  Can anyone else relate?

I know with little kids, it’s sometimes hard to take a photo, but you would think with adult children it would be different. My one son doesn’t like taking photos, but I figured that since it was the only thing I asked for, that he would do it.  He reluctantly put on our new matching PJ’s  and stood behind us as we took the photo.  He turned the Christmas tree off during the photo and hid so we couldn’t see his face.  When we realized he wasn’t in the photo, we asked him to take it again.  We all said things like… Please put your jammies back on. Why can’t you just take a photo? I don’t understand what the big deal is with taking a picture etc…) At this point, he was done.

I tried to talk with him, but by this point, his emotional well being had hit the charts.  There would be no talking. I have learned over time that when he gets triggered, he needs his space.  Talking to him, asking him questions and trying to get him to engage are inconceivable to him.  Anyone’s consistent probing doesn’t do any good.

I initially felt horrible. All I wanted was a picture and some family time and it turned into a dramatic affair. I did some self-reflecting on the whole event and it made me think about expectations and unconditional love.

Did I really think that him refusing to take the photo meant that he didn’t love me? Did I really think that he intentionally wanted to hurt me?  Was I setting the expectation that if he loves me, he will take the photo, and if he doesn’t love me then he won’t?  So many wild ideas can cross our minds, and it made me really wonder what the lesson was for me.

Each person is unique, and this son handles things very differently that I would, but it doesn’t mean I love him any less. The greatest gift I could have given him is unconditional love.  Even if you don’t take a photo, I still love you.  He doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, he just knows he’s different.  Sometimes he doesn’t like being different, but he is.

The next morning, I went downstairs and he wouldn’t speak to me.  He was hiding under the covers.  He didn’t want a lecture.  I said good morning, I love you and left.  Later that morning, he tapped me on the shoulder when walking by and I knew today would be a better day.

I am sure he felt bad for how things ended.  He has told me before, sometimes he can’t control how his body responds and he just needs space. He didn’t want us to yell at him and blame him for what happened.  The truth is, he typically asks for 24-hour notice for watching movies, pictures, family time, etc…   His body needs to prepare for the connection with people.   He was not ready for this type of connection and was pushed to the limit.  It seems odd for the rest of us, but it is a great reminder to learn how to love and accept people for who they are.  This son has made an extreme influence in my life on managing expectations and meeting people where they are and not expecting them to be just like me.

You can’t force someone to be how you want them to be.  You need to understand them and invite them on the journey with you.   If they follow you great, if they don’t that is ok too. It is THEIR journey.

The deeper lesson for me is that while I have expectations of what I desire in life, I am not going to let my love of myself be determined on another person’s actions or lack of action. Or think things like….

If my son doesn’t take a picture, I am not loved.
If my son doesn’t buy me a gift, I am not loved.
If my son doesn’t believe in my spiritual or life theories, I am not loved.

My LOVE, VALUE and WORTH, are not defined by anyone else.  I am loved, cherished, honored, deserving and worthy, because I choose to love myself.  I CHOOSE LOVE.  I choose to BE LOVE.  I choose to act in a loving way, even when I know the person is triggered.  Fighting back is ego’s controlling response of needing to be in power and only creates drama.

In the moment after the photos, I wasn’t choosing LOVE.  I was triggered.  It was a power struggle. I wanted something and wasn’t getting it.  I came across demanding love, which never works.

Did we both make mistakes in the process?  YES
Could we have said or done things differently? YES
Did I have unrealistic expectations of what I wanted? NO
Did he have unrealistic expectations of how he would have liked the situation handled? NO

Communication on expectations and limits or boundaries are key.  Only through communicating your needs and wants can we teach people how to treat us.  Demanding what you want, when you want it, because you want it, never works.

Loving yourself unconditionally and knowing you are not broken, you do not need to be fixed, you are loved, deserving and worthy, allows you to shine your love and light into the world.  You do not need someone else’s validation (especially your children) to know that you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVE.

 

A photographer friend of mine used to do photoshoots of women and put on a gallery show every year named, Inspired Beauty. They were not “sexy” or boudoir photoshoots, but rather they focused on bringing out the beauty of a woman. He would see into a woman’s soul and allow her essence to be reflected through the photos taken. He could see the beauty in all women and felt his calling was to help women see the beauty inside of themselves. As we mentioned earlier, men can many times see more beauty in us than we see in ourselves, because we are so focused on comparing ourselves to societal standards. This photoshoot was a completely different experience than my first boudoir photoshoot. This was more than just feeling sexy and confident, this was about getting to know myself at a deeper level. It was almost like asking the question, “Who is Jen?” I want you to have a similar experience and dive into the depths of your truth and answer the question “Who are You?”

Many of the Inspired Beauty photos that were taken were captured of a woman not smiling. The goal wasn’t to put on a happy face. The goal was to allow a woman to see the beauty of herself and be in the moment. It felt more like an intimate experience of seeing into someone’s soul. It was not at all like taking photos for a branding shoot or a headshot. He captured amazing images of women that highlighted a woman’s essence of who she was. His work was POWERFUL. And those experiences were more than photoshoots for those women.

Photoshoots in general, are all amazing because the experience itself is an embodiment practice. It is an experience that puts you in a position of being in your body. The reality is, women have so much anxiety around picture taking like we discussed in a previous lesson. First is the anxiety around making the decision to say yes. Am I at the right body shape to do this? Once you make the decision to say yes, you question, what should I wear? After you plan your outfits, you may get nervous about having your hair, nails and make-up done. After all those decisions are made and tasks completed, you are left with being in the experience.  That’s right. When you are ready for the photoshoot, you get to then be the star of the show.  You not only get the opportunity to put on sexy clothes, but you also get the opportunity to be witnessed by someone. Not only are you nervous about how your pictures are going to look, you may also have anxiety about the fact that someone else can see how you are feeling in the moment. When you begin to let go of your anxiety and step into your expression as a woman and someone sees you doing that, it is extremely powerful. Yes, it can be scary and uncomfortable but after you had the experience, you can see how powerful it can be. To not only be in your power, but also have someone WITNESS you as well. If you allow it to be, it is what I would truly consider an intimate experience and connection with oneself. When you can feel at complete ease with yourself, you are experiencing a union and deep connection with Source energy.

 

Photo Credit Bob Briskey Photography

 

There was a point in my life where I didn’t think I was beautiful and sexy. I hid behind so many lies all my life. As I started being open to the possibility of SOMETHING MORE in my life and relationships, I participated in a program that allowed me to dive into my body shame. I realized that my body had physically been numb for years. I didn’t want to hide anymore. Through that program and other embodiment experiences, I had learned how to feel my body again.

 

So I set 3 intentions…

  • To share my experience with the world. To help other women heal their sexuality and body shame so they could have an epic love affair with themselves and show up as the sexy confident woman they desired to be.
  • To help other women take this newfound aliveness and create more intimate connections, and live the life of their dreams.
  • To challenge myself to do a boudoir photoshoot.

 

Now that I could feel my body again, I wanted to know how it felt to feel sexy and attractive again. The day after I got home from my retreat there was a Groupon in my inbox for a boudoir photoshoot. I thought to myself, really God? Could this really be happening? How on earth did this happen so quickly?

Then of course doubt set in and I made up every excuse in the book. I didn’t know if I should do it. I didn’t know if I could find the right photographer. I didn’t know if I really wanted to spend the money. I wanted to lose a good 20 to 40 pounds first. I almost said no because I was unhappy with my physical appearance. I just had this amazing spiritual awakening, but I was still not happy with my physical appearance and so almost said NO!

I spent some serious time in thought questioning what I was afraid of and why I would turn down the opportunity that I asked for. When it came down to it, I had been ashamed of my body and who I was for years. I didn’t want to spend money on photos of myself that I wouldn’t like, where I thought I was fat and didn’t look good. While I just had this awakening that I could feel my body again, I still needed to go through the process of additional healing to truly love my body again too. Then, I remembered the intention I set about sharing my story with the world and I made the decision to do my first boudoir photoshoot even though I felt curious, overweight and scared.

I had never really gotten my picture taken before, so this was one great way to tackle the challenge. The experience was so much more than a photoshoot. It symbolized being OPEN to saying yes to the possibilities that were in store for my life. I realized that before change could happen, I needed to be accepting and loving of myself for who I was NOW, not who I thought I should be. If I wanted to teach other women this message, then I needed to practice what I preach.

Doing a photoshoot was a great way to dive into the deep end of the self-love transformation process. This was just the beginning of my journey. I was so grateful I did the photoshoot.  While I didn’t release all the shame around my body, I took inspired action to begin appreciating my body as opposed to shaming it all of the time.

What I didn’t realize was how profound a photoshoot experience was on my overall confidence and self-image. I ended up having additional photoshoots over the course of the next seven years and each one was a completely different experience and part of the personal self-love journey. The photoshoot had two amazing components. The first is the experience of being in your body. A photoshoot isn’t just about the result of the photo, it is about the experience of really being present in the moment and learning to enjoy and be in your body, in serious, in playful, and in fun moments. The second part of the experience is something I wasn’t expecting and that was being witnessed by someone else. There is a profound feeling when you are in a space of loving yourself and your body and there is someone else witnessing you in that experience. It is like a breath of fresh air. They reflect to you the radiance you are shining during the photoshoot and it is miraculous to have someone truly see you in the depths of who you are.

 

 

 

 

I would like to challenge you, to really come into the fullest expression of yourself. To come to know and love you, which includes the enjoyment of being YOURSELF! If you want to be grateful and see the beauty in everyone and everything, you also need to do the same thing for yourself and learn to love and admire the BEAUTY IN YOU.

You might be thinking, ok Jen, that is great, but how is having a photoshoot or dancing going to help me create a better relationship with my partner, love myself more and help me step into a fuller expression of myself?

I’d like to share with you 3 different benefits…

  • Seeing yourself from a different perspective
    Being in your body allows you to take off the roles of mom, wife, professional, daughter, sister, volunteer person, church leader etc. and to SEE YOURSELF as the beautiful woman you are. It is no longer about doing something for someone else, it is about BEING and ENJOYING who you are. You can learn how to surrender and be in your body fully and completely. When you are in this fullest expression, you begin to attract more of what you desire in your life.
  • Feel into the experience and what it reveals to you about yourself
    The value of a photoshoot is much bigger than the result of the photos. The photos capture a snapshot in time of the essence of who you are, but the photoshoot itself allows you to fully step into YOU and experience the joy, beauty and pleasure of being you. Each time you do a photoshoot, you will see the growth in your journey and how you feel during the shoot. When you dance, you can feel into your energy and that of your partner. The experience allows you to step more fully into the essence of being a woman. When you move to the beat of the music you can feel the energy move through you. In each of these examples, you are not talking about something, you are experiencing and creating a new loving imprint within your body.
  • Witness the growth of who you are in your journey
    Since it’s hard to see ourselves, it is beautiful when you can experience multiple photoshoots and see your progress along the journey. It reminds me of watching kids grow up, you can see their growth. When you have a photo taken, you can see the change in who you are and have become show up in your photos as well. The same is true for dancing. You can see and feel the shift in the way you move, how you carry yourself and how you step into your energy, essence and your power as a woman. You are no longer giving your power away. You can feel and own your divine feminine power.

 

When you give yourself permission to experience BEING in your body, your whole world changes.  So, what does experience “it” even mean? Experiencing “it” is about being in your body and living authentically through all the moments and emotions of life. Experiencing “it” means to allow yourself to be free to feel and embrace all that the world and your relationships can offer. It means giving yourself permission to step into the fullest expression of you.

 

 

If you want to live as the fullest expression of WHO YOU ARE, then you need to learn how to experience being in your body. Whether you want a more intimate relationship with your partner, you want to fulfill your passion and purpose in life, or you want to make more money in your business and be of greater service in the world, the key to your growth and development is to first look at who you currently are, and second who you are becoming. You can only become the best, fully expressed version of yourself when you KNOW YOURSELF. You must know yourself in mind, body and spirit. When you SEE YOURSELF and FEEL YOURSELF, you can come to KNOW YOURSELF.

How do you come to live in the fullest expression of WHO YOU ARE?

I want to share with you a couple of different key tools you can use to assist you on your journey to becoming the most fully expressed version of YOU. The two I want to discuss are a photoshoot and dancing. Now I don’t mean just get your picture taken, although that can be fun too, but I want you to pay attention to the entire experience from start to finish. I get a lot of push back from so many women when it comes to getting their photo taken. They are the first ones to ensure a family photo is taken, but they themselves don’t want to be in the photo.

I want to share a story, where one day I was helping a photographer friend at a free local event. There were a variety of different vendors and he was giving away free headshots. Many women and their children walked through the doors of the building. They stopped to speak with us, however, what I noticed is that whenever a woman was asked if they wanted their picture taken, majority said NO! They were MORE THAN HAPPY to get photos of their kids taken and smiled with glee to see the happy looks on their children’s faces, however, when it came to them, it was like someone just died.  NO WAY JOSE!!!! This is not for me!!!

I heard things like…
… I don’t like my picture taken
… I didn’t do my hair today
… I don’t take good photos
… I never like how I look in pictures
… I am not dressed appropriately
… I need to lose 10 – 15 pounds first

Let’s take a deeper look at dancing. How many of you enjoy moving to the beat of the music when you hear one of your favorite songs, but feel awkward because you don’t think you are doing it right, or think you might look weird? You know music fuels your soul, but at the same time something stops you from embracing BEING ONE with the music. When I started taking dance lessons, many women loved hearing about my journey and said I would love to dance, BUT…

I heard things like…
… I can’t move like that
… I have 2 left feet
… I would need to lose 10 – 15 pounds
… I don’t like how I look
… I don’t want someone to watch me
… I would never look good in a dress like that

The truth is, many women tend to HATE one or more things about their body, which makes it difficult to want to get their photo taken or be seen dancing. These are 2 of the easiest ways you can begin to get to know yourself more intimately. They allow you to BE IN YOUR BODY where you can begin stepping into the fullest expression of you.

Don’t you wonder…

What if experiencing a photoshoot or dancing like no one is watching could be the catalyst to help you feel more comfortable being in your body
What if embodiment provided you insights into knowing yourself better as the amazing woman you are?
What if embodiment could propel you forward in your relationship and your business?