January 29, 2022

Shameless Self-Love

SHAMELESS SELF-LOVE

If women really want to experience the love and intimacy we crave, it begins with Shameless Self Love. I believe we create and manifest all aspects of our lives.  We magnetize our own reality to us and if we are not experiencing the love and intimacy we so desperately crave, let’s look at why!!!

What is getting in the way of you experiencing the depths of love you desire?

There is a part of us and our little girl that has a need to feel worthy and deserving of love and attention.  If we experienced any trauma or event as a little girl that skewed our vision of love, the imprint of that memory lives inside of our bodies (whether we consciously know it or not).   If we believe we should be punished or are not deserving of love, then we will not attract the type of love our heart truly desires. We will push away love, feeling we are not worthy of it or we will look to a man to rescue and save us from ourselves.  This is one of the many reasons so many marriages end up in divorce.

As a little girl, whenever I was afraid, I ran to my grandfather for love and attention.  That love and affection turned into inappropriate signs of love and skewed my view on love from boys and men.  I remember feeling like I always needed a boy in my life.  I didn’t know how to fill myself with love.  I thought I needed to find a man that would rescue me like grandpa did, but when I realized that type of love and affection was not appropriate, I felt ashamed and unworthy of the love I desired.  I had misunderstandings of what love really was ever since I was a little girl.  I can remember from a very young age, not feeling comfortable saying I LOVE YOU to my parents.  They used to say it all the time, but the words would never come out.   I always wondered why I didn’t feel comfortable saying I LOVE YOU, when they were such loving people.

– Did I feel they were NOT worthy and deserving of my LOVE?
– Did I feel betrayed by them?
– Did I feel they didn’t protect me?
– Did I feel that they hurt me?
– Did I feel abandoned by them?

These were some questions for ME to dive deeper into regarding my views of love.  We all have different perspective of what we were taught about love.  If you have struggled with putting yourself first and find it hard to give love to yourself, I encourage you to journal on some of the questions below:

  • What did your parents tell you about love and relationships?
  • How did your parents show love to each other?
  • Did your parents live a life serving others first? Or did they teach you the value of self-love?
  • Did you ever feel abandoned by either parent?
  • Did you feel your parents hurt you or didn’t protect you?

If we do not dive deeper into what we were taught about love as a little girl, it will impact NOT just our partnership, but it will also show up in other places in our lives, including our business.  LOVE is about self-respect, self-esteem, self-confidence, self- image and self-worth.  If we do not believe that we are worthy and deserving of love, money, happiness etc… then this imprint will expose itself in how you show up in ALL aspects of your life.  Truly loving yourself is valuing who you are!

If you want to experience blissful, epic love, you have to create it for yourself.  You can do this by embodying and embracing the highest consciousness of love first.  In this place, you will not only feel greater love, you will attract more of it to you.

Love starts within.  It begins with loving yourself so deeply that you feel it in your bones.  You begin to radiate a love so deep that that your radiance shines forth and you begin to attract more and more love to you.  You no longer need to look for love, you become love.  When you show up and radiate love, you open yourself up to the love you deserve.

So how exactly do you learn to love yourself first?  You allow your little girl to be free and awaken the Shameless Self-Love within you!

 

January 29, 2022

What is Unconditional Love?

What is Unconditional Love Anyway?

How often to you offer love with “strings attached”, without knowing it? Or have an expectation of that if someone loves you they will do something for you?

The day before Christmas, my boys were all together under the same roof for the first time in months.  All I wanted for Christmas, was my boys to take a nice family photo.  I believed I was not expecting too much.  But all hell broke lose when one of my son’s REFUSED to take a family photo.  Can anyone else relate?

I know with little kids, it’s sometimes hard to take a photo, but you would think with adult children it would be different. My one son doesn’t like taking photos, but I figured that since it was the only thing I asked for, that he would do it.  He reluctantly put on our new matching PJ’s  and stood behind us as we took the photo.  He turned the Christmas tree off during the photo and hid so we couldn’t see his face.  When we realized he wasn’t in the photo, we asked him to take it again.  We all said things like… Please put your jammies back on. Why can’t you just take a photo? I don’t understand what the big deal is with taking a picture etc…) At this point, he was done.

I tried to talk with him, but by this point, his emotional well being had hit the charts.  There would be no talking. I have learned over time that when he gets triggered, he needs his space.  Talking to him, asking him questions and trying to get him to engage are inconceivable to him.  Anyone’s consistent probing doesn’t do any good.

I initially felt horrible. All I wanted was a picture and some family time and it turned into a dramatic affair. I did some self-reflecting on the whole event and it made me think about expectations and unconditional love.

Did I really think that him refusing to take the photo meant that he didn’t love me? Did I really think that he intentionally wanted to hurt me?  Was I setting the expectation that if he loves me, he will take the photo, and if he doesn’t love me then he won’t?  So many wild ideas can cross our minds, and it made me really wonder what the lesson was for me.

Each person is unique, and this son handles things very differently that I would, but it doesn’t mean I love him any less. The greatest gift I could have given him is unconditional love.  Even if you don’t take a photo, I still love you.  He doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, he just knows he’s different.  Sometimes he doesn’t like being different, but he is.

The next morning, I went downstairs and he wouldn’t speak to me.  He was hiding under the covers.  He didn’t want a lecture.  I said good morning, I love you and left.  Later that morning, he tapped me on the shoulder when walking by and I knew today would be a better day.

I am sure he felt bad for how things ended.  He has told me before, sometimes he can’t control how his body responds and he just needs space. He didn’t want us to yell at him and blame him for what happened.  The truth is, he typically asks for 24-hour notice for watching movies, pictures, family time, etc…   His body needs to prepare for the connection with people.   He was not ready for this type of connection and was pushed to the limit.  It seems odd for the rest of us, but it is a great reminder to learn how to love and accept people for who they are.  This son has made an extreme influence in my life on managing expectations and meeting people where they are and not expecting them to be just like me.

You can’t force someone to be how you want them to be.  You need to understand them and invite them on the journey with you.   If they follow you great, if they don’t that is ok too. It is THEIR journey.

The deeper lesson for me is that while I have expectations of what I desire in life, I am not going to let my love of myself be determined on another person’s actions or lack of action. Or think things like….

If my son doesn’t take a picture, I am not loved.
If my son doesn’t buy me a gift, I am not loved.
If my son doesn’t believe in my spiritual or life theories, I am not loved.

My LOVE, VALUE and WORTH, are not defined by anyone else.  I am loved, cherished, honored, deserving and worthy, because I choose to love myself.  I CHOOSE LOVE.  I choose to BE LOVE.  I choose to act in a loving way, even when I know the person is triggered.  Fighting back is ego’s controlling response of needing to be in power and only creates drama.

In the moment after the photos, I wasn’t choosing LOVE.  I was triggered.  It was a power struggle. I wanted something and wasn’t getting it.  I came across demanding love, which never works.

Did we both make mistakes in the process?  YES
Could we have said or done things differently? YES
Did I have unrealistic expectations of what I wanted? NO
Did he have unrealistic expectations of how he would have liked the situation handled? NO

Communication on expectations and limits or boundaries are key.  Only through communicating your needs and wants can we teach people how to treat us.  Demanding what you want, when you want it, because you want it, never works.

Loving yourself unconditionally and knowing you are not broken, you do not need to be fixed, you are loved, deserving and worthy, allows you to shine your love and light into the world.  You do not need someone else’s validation (especially your children) to know that you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVE.

November 26, 2021

Remembering Your Worth

Remembering Your Worth

Have you ever had periods of time when you have lost sight of your worth?  In those times you might have felt depressed, insecure, or lacked confidence in yourself. You know something doesn’t feel good, so you will likely pursue substitute worth based on judgment and outside forces rather than the beauty that resides within you. You will look for proof and validation outside of yourself. You may find yourself in a position of settling for less than what you truly desire, but struggle with stepping forward and remembering your worth. It can be easy to let yourself go, settle for breadcrumbs, tolerate bad behavior, focus on pleasing others or question if you deserve what you desire.

When you truly feel worthy, you love, honor and accept yourself without hesitation. You no longer question who you are. You no longer linger in guilt or shame. You no longer beat yourself up for making mistakes.  You no longer look for excuses. You stop comparing yourself to others.  You take 100% full responsibility for your life.  You accept the truth of who you are including all your imperfections. You come to the realization that the conception of your worth is not based on the fulfillment of ANY expectations. You begin to see your mistakes and failures as just another part of life’s journey. You know you are interconnected with all other living beings and when you claim your worth, it allows you to show up happy, motivated and confident in the essence of who you are and shine your light into the world.

Humans are like drops of water in an endless ocean. Our worth comes from our role as distinct individuals as well as our role as a part of something larger than ourselves. Awakening to this concept can help you rediscover the worth and value within every one of us, which helps to create a ripple effect in the world.

Every time you treat yourself with compassion and kindness, appreciate yourself, define your personal boundaries, be proactive in seeing that your needs are met, and claim your desires, you express your recognition of your innate value.

When you STOP feeling guilty for honoring your needs and desires, you claim your worth.  These are actions of loving and honoring yourself.  There is no need to look for validation or proof from outside of yourself. You are claiming you are a high value, divinely powerful and fully expressed woman.

What would happen if you remembered your worth?
What if you could stop all searching to uncover that which you already are?
How would your life be different? How would you hold yourself?  How would your heart feel? How would your being feel?

The greatest gift you can give to yourself and to others is to stand in your own value and worth.  Not to feel good by enabling, fixing or saving others, but rather to be a living example.  When you raise your standards and honor your worth, you step into your divine feminine power and fully express your needs and desires in all aspects of life.  You stand in your truth and shine your radiance and light to others as a role model and example to the world.

 

November 26, 2021

What do you THINK you know about being worthy?

What do you BELIEVE about WORTH ?
There is a big difference between self-esteem and self-worth, even though many times they are used interchangeably. Self- Esteem is a measure of how you feel about yourself at any given moment and is usually based on your skills, talents and abilities.  Your worth however, is not a product of your talent, your looks, your intelligence or how much you have accomplished.

Your worth is not defined by WHAT YOU DO, but rather WHO YOU ARE.  It is an immeasurable component of your eternal and infinite oneness with the Universe.  Your worth can not be taken away from you.  It can not be damaged by life’s traumas or challenges.  We are all born worthy and deserving. Your worth is intertwined into your very being as a human, however, as imperfect beings, you can easily forget or ignore your value and worth.

What were YOU taught about being worthy and deserving?

Honestly, as I reflect back, while I may have been taught that I was an amazing beautiful child of God, I still was taught to believe that I had to earn things in my life based on my skills, talents and abilities.  I was rewarded and praised for what I accomplished or did in my life.  I had to work hard and prove myself in order to be worthy and deserving of receiving praise, gratitude and recognition.  While I knew God would provide me grace and forgiveness daily, I still had to prove my worth and value in everything I did.

Your value and worth is about knowing your beliefs, owning your desires, loving yourself and your body, standing in your power and claiming your value so you can shine your light and radiance into the world.  There is a beautiful quote from Brene Brown that I absolutely love, that fully encompasses the depth of what this means to me.

“I’ve come to this belief that, if you show me a woman who can sit with a man in his real vulnerability, in deep fear, and be with him in it, I will show you a woman who, A, has done her work and, B, does not derive her power from that man.

Show me a man who can sit with a woman in deep struggle and vulnerability and not try to fix it, but just hear her and be with her and hold space for it, I’ll show you a guy who’s done his work and a man who doesn’t derive his power from controlling and fixing everything.”
 
When we are focused on OURSELVES and not on fixing or saving others, we can fully stand in our value and our power.  When we let go of the need to control, fix or save others and LIVE OUR LIVES, this is when we step into our truth.  So many of us have the deep desire to help others.  We want to make a difference in the world and make the world a better place, which is noble and honorable.  However, we can tend to base our value and worth on the success or failure of others.

If a loved one succeeds, we feel accomplished, worthy and deserving and when a loved one fails or doesn’t take our advice, we tend to question our value and worth.  We can tend to feel bad and feel guilt or shame.  Thinking or questioning, is there something we did wrong?  What could we have done differently? . Did we say or do the “right things”?  If only we could have made a different decision……

When we let go of the need to find our worth and value in others, we find our true selves.  When we no longer need to fill our days searching to uncover what has been here all along, we no longer need to prove our value.  We claim our value as a child of God, who is worthy and deserving of all our heart’s desires.