March 16, 2021

Managing Radiance Energy Leaks

Radiance energy leaks happen when a person is not in full alignment with the fullest expression of who they are.   There are MANY ways that energy leaks occur and if they are not managed, an individual will continue to give their power away without realizing it.  It’s like running an old pattern over and over again.  Individuals must learn how to identify what is getting in the way of the fulfillment of their desires.

The challenge is, that most people have multiple energy leaks and it can be overwhelming to identify where to begin.  I would like to encourage you to follow this four-step process in learning how to manage radiance energy leaks.

STEP 1 Become Aware of Your Radiance Leaks
STEP 2 Identify the ones that resonate the most with you
STEP 3 Review what it is costing you and what the payoff is
STEP 4 Decide which of the 5 items is the MOST IMPORTANT for you to address

A key step in the process is not just identifying what it is costing you, but to also define the payoff being received for allowing the leak to keep happening.  I remember watching Dr. Phil years ago and every time he would counsel a guest, he would tell them that the reason they were not changing their behavior was because there was a PAYOFF they were getting.   You must acknowledge that piece otherwise, the pattern will never be changed.

The truth of the matter is that all humans have energy leaks.  If they go unmanaged, life can feel overwhelming, stressful and chaotic.  When you have tools available to manage your energy, you can learn how to stop energy leaks and more fully step into your own power.

Here is a small sampling of different types of Radiance Energy Leaks

BEHAVIORS of OTHERS

  • Tolerating behaviors that drain you
  • Tolerating behaviors that trigger you
  • Blaming others
  • Criticizing others
  • Listening to others complaining
  • Letting others walk all over you
  • Say yes to others when you don’t have time
  • Ignoring stuff that triggers you
  • Allowing unacceptable behavior
  • Teaching people how to treat you
  • Conflicts with loved ones

SELF-DEVELOPMENT

  • Criticizing yourself
  • Striving for perfection
  • Blaming yourself
  • Not getting your needs met
  • Not asking for what you want or need
  • Over-giving
  • Not knowing how to receive complements
  • Being too masculine
  • Being too controlling
  • Gossiping or complaining
  • Whining or colluding
  • Not having any boundaries
  • Feeling competition
  • Not doing what you are passionate about
  • Being TOO independent
  • People Pleasing
  • Trying to be a Good Girl

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

  • Closing off your heart
  • Stuffing your emotions
  • Being too needy
  • Not healing your past
  • Emasculating men
  • Not connecting with women in your life
  • Not knowing & using the love languages
  • Hiding your true thoughts and feelings
  • Not speaking your truth
  • Beliefs that you are not enough
  • Beliefs that you are not deserving or worthy of love and abundance
  • Feeling unsafe and unprotected

TIME

  • Not having a plan
  • Plan too much & no time for spontaneity
  • Overcommitting or overscheduling
  • Working too late
  • Not delegating
  • Doing everything yourself
  • Watching too much TV
  • Scrolling too much on Social Media
  • Procrastinating
  • Wasting time
  • Reacting instead of planning
  • Not giving yourself enough “Me- Time”
  • Saying yes when you mean no
  • Not making quick decisions

PHYSICAL HEALTH

  • Not getting enough sleep
  • Not getting enough to eat
  • Not taking vitamins or supplements
  • Using chemicals in your household
  • Gaining weight
  • Overindulging in food
  • Getting sick
  • Not cooking enough at home
  • Not taking time for meal prep
  • Drinking too much (sugar or alcohol)
  • Not getting enough exercise

PLEASURE

  • Not having enough sex
  • Not having enough physical touch
  • Not loving your body enough
  • Lack of self-pleasure practices
  • Not enough snuggling or gentle touch
  • Not having a morning routine
  • Not hugging
  • Being afraid to touch your body
  • Not enough orgasmic play
  • Not enjoying sexual intimacy
  • Only pleasing the man
  • Not moving your body enough

MONEY

  • Spending too much
  • Not investing in yourself
  • Not having a budget
  • Not seeing where your money leaks are
  • Running up credit card debt
  • Overindulgence
  • Lack mentality
March 8, 2021

How Radiance Energy Leaks Sabotage You From Achieving Your Desires  

Radiance Energy LeaksWe have been talking about desire and how most people unfortunately sabotage themselves without realizing it.   We have these amazing soul-filling desires that light us up, but so many times, it can feel as if it is taking so long to see our dreams come to fruition.

The truth is our desires come from the depths of our soul.  When we dance with our desires, we feel alive and shine our light into the world.  Our radiance and light are our greatest gift.  When we are in resonance with love, our love tank is full and we are fueled up with so much love, that our energy is bright, shiny and contagious.  You don’t have to search for clients, happiness or love, because you are a beacon of love and magnetize that love and light back to you.

However, in the hustle of everyday life, we tend to dull our own magic and light.  This is what gets us into trouble.  When we look to others to fuel ourselves up or we continue to deplete our energy, we find ourselves completely drained and burned out.  Most of us LOVE helping others and feel a sense of inner joy and peace when we can to help someone else.  I am not denying that or telling you NOT to do that. However, I want you to become aware of other places you might be leaking energy where you are not able to fully give in the way you desire because you keep leaking energy out and have not refueled it.

A “radiance energy leak” is anything that costs you more energy than it gives you back.  ( i.e. TIME, MONEY, PHYSICAL HEALTH, EMOTIONAL HEALTH, SELF, PLEASURE and BEHAVIORS OF OTHERS) . It is something that depletes you of your energy.  These leaks can rob you of the joy, happiness and pleasure you desire and deserve to have in your life.

If you resonate with any of these Radiance Energy Leaks then you are not experiencing the fullest resonance of LOVE that you possible could.  These energy leaks get in the way of you experiencing the LOVE you desire in your relationships and they also get in the way of you fully stepping into the fullest expression of you and your business.  I encourage you to identify which areas seem to stand out for you.  Don’t worry or freak out that you have more than you thought. This is an awareness tool.  While you might be making time for “self-care practices”, I want you to become aware of additional places where you might be leaking energy and didn’t know it.   Once you become aware of these areas, you can learn different tools and techniques that will help you to reset or boost your energy levels and plug up those leaks.

November 30, 2020

Inspired Beauty and The Experience of Witnessing

 

A photographer friend of mine used to do photoshoots of women and put on a gallery show every year named, Inspired Beauty. They were not “sexy” or boudoir photoshoots, but rather they focused on bringing out the beauty of a woman. He would see into a woman’s soul and allow her essence to be reflected through the photos taken. He could see the beauty in all women and felt his calling was to help women see the beauty inside of themselves. As we mentioned earlier, men can many times see more beauty in us than we see in ourselves, because we are so focused on comparing ourselves to societal standards. This photoshoot was a completely different experience than my first boudoir photoshoot. This was more than just feeling sexy and confident, this was about getting to know myself at a deeper level. It was almost like asking the question, “Who is Jen?” I want you to have a similar experience and dive into the depths of your truth and answer the question “Who are You?”

Many of the Inspired Beauty photos that were taken were captured of a woman not smiling. The goal wasn’t to put on a happy face. The goal was to allow a woman to see the beauty of herself and be in the moment. It felt more like an intimate experience of seeing into someone’s soul. It was not at all like taking photos for a branding shoot or a headshot. He captured amazing images of women that highlighted a woman’s essence of who she was. His work was POWERFUL. And those experiences were more than photoshoots for those women.

Photoshoots in general, are all amazing because the experience itself is an embodiment practice. It is an experience that puts you in a position of being in your body. The reality is, women have so much anxiety around picture taking like we discussed in a previous lesson. First is the anxiety around making the decision to say yes. Am I at the right body shape to do this? Once you make the decision to say yes, you question, what should I wear? After you plan your outfits, you may get nervous about having your hair, nails and make-up done. After all those decisions are made and tasks completed, you are left with being in the experience.  That’s right. When you are ready for the photoshoot, you get to then be the star of the show.  You not only get the opportunity to put on sexy clothes, but you also get the opportunity to be witnessed by someone. Not only are you nervous about how your pictures are going to look, you may also have anxiety about the fact that someone else can see how you are feeling in the moment. When you begin to let go of your anxiety and step into your expression as a woman and someone sees you doing that, it is extremely powerful. Yes, it can be scary and uncomfortable but after you had the experience, you can see how powerful it can be. To not only be in your power, but also have someone WITNESS you as well. If you allow it to be, it is what I would truly consider an intimate experience and connection with oneself. When you can feel at complete ease with yourself, you are experiencing a union and deep connection with Source energy.

 

Photo Credit Bob Briskey Photography

November 30, 2020

My First Photoshoot Experience

 

There was a point in my life where I didn’t think I was beautiful and sexy. I hid behind so many lies all my life. As I started being open to the possibility of SOMETHING MORE in my life and relationships, I participated in a program that allowed me to dive into my body shame. I realized that my body had physically been numb for years. I didn’t want to hide anymore. Through that program and other embodiment experiences, I had learned how to feel my body again.

 

So I set 3 intentions…

  • To share my experience with the world. To help other women heal their sexuality and body shame so they could have an epic love affair with themselves and show up as the sexy confident woman they desired to be.
  • To help other women take this newfound aliveness and create more intimate connections, and live the life of their dreams.
  • To challenge myself to do a boudoir photoshoot.

 

Now that I could feel my body again, I wanted to know how it felt to feel sexy and attractive again. The day after I got home from my retreat there was a Groupon in my inbox for a boudoir photoshoot. I thought to myself, really God? Could this really be happening? How on earth did this happen so quickly?

Then of course doubt set in and I made up every excuse in the book. I didn’t know if I should do it. I didn’t know if I could find the right photographer. I didn’t know if I really wanted to spend the money. I wanted to lose a good 20 to 40 pounds first. I almost said no because I was unhappy with my physical appearance. I just had this amazing spiritual awakening, but I was still not happy with my physical appearance and so almost said NO!

I spent some serious time in thought questioning what I was afraid of and why I would turn down the opportunity that I asked for. When it came down to it, I had been ashamed of my body and who I was for years. I didn’t want to spend money on photos of myself that I wouldn’t like, where I thought I was fat and didn’t look good. While I just had this awakening that I could feel my body again, I still needed to go through the process of additional healing to truly love my body again too. Then, I remembered the intention I set about sharing my story with the world and I made the decision to do my first boudoir photoshoot even though I felt curious, overweight and scared.

I had never really gotten my picture taken before, so this was one great way to tackle the challenge. The experience was so much more than a photoshoot. It symbolized being OPEN to saying yes to the possibilities that were in store for my life. I realized that before change could happen, I needed to be accepting and loving of myself for who I was NOW, not who I thought I should be. If I wanted to teach other women this message, then I needed to practice what I preach.

Doing a photoshoot was a great way to dive into the deep end of the self-love transformation process. This was just the beginning of my journey. I was so grateful I did the photoshoot.  While I didn’t release all the shame around my body, I took inspired action to begin appreciating my body as opposed to shaming it all of the time.

What I didn’t realize was how profound a photoshoot experience was on my overall confidence and self-image. I ended up having additional photoshoots over the course of the next seven years and each one was a completely different experience and part of the personal self-love journey. The photoshoot had two amazing components. The first is the experience of being in your body. A photoshoot isn’t just about the result of the photo, it is about the experience of really being present in the moment and learning to enjoy and be in your body, in serious, in playful, and in fun moments. The second part of the experience is something I wasn’t expecting and that was being witnessed by someone else. There is a profound feeling when you are in a space of loving yourself and your body and there is someone else witnessing you in that experience. It is like a breath of fresh air. They reflect to you the radiance you are shining during the photoshoot and it is miraculous to have someone truly see you in the depths of who you are.

 

 

 

August 17, 2020

Understanding the “Turn On”

Did you know that being turned-on has more to do with an energetic connection than it does with physical touch alone? We have this false belief that turn-on needs to be “sexual” when there are SO many other things that can turn you on and light your fire that are just as powerful.

When women are craving more intimacy, passion and connection with their partner, I hear concerns like: the romance has died, we live like roommates, I have lost my libido or I don’t feel turned-on anymore. Let’s look at the definition of what it means to be “turned-on” for our answer.
Webster defines “Turn On” as: An activation or cause to flow, operate, or function by or as if by turning a control, or to move pleasurably.

When you turn on the lights, the room goes from dark to light. When you turn on the water faucet, the water goes from nothing to a continuous flow of water. Our energy is the same way. Being turned-on is feeling ALIVE and feeling the positive flow of energy throughout your entire body. A spark ignites and fuels you up on the inside and radiates outward to others. When you are turned-on, people feel the difference in your energy and want to be around you.

When you tune into yourself, into the frequency that fuels your fire, you feel energized and alive. Abraham Hicks, an inspirational speaker and author, regularly talks about being “in the vortex.” She shares inspiring stories and wisdom on how to get tuned in, tapped in and turned on with life. According to Hicks, when you are “turned-on” you are in the flow of life and attract to you the things you desire.

Turn-on can be a physical sensation however it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes we believe that we need a man to be turned-on, because we know how good it feels when we feel turned-on in his presence. The truth is you don’t need a man to find your turn on. If you can find your turn-on without a man, imagine how exciting it can be when you bring your aliveness to meet him. The fireworks that will fly. When you experience the depths of aliveness, you can combine the physical, emotional, energetic and spiritual components of turn on. If you want to experience deeper intimacy and connection in your life, it begins with not just knowing your turn-on, but living a turned-on life.

August 17, 2020

Turn On, Pleasure and Desire

What’s the connection with turn-on, pleasure and desire?

TURN-ON is what makes us feel ALIVE inside. When we FEEL alive, we allow our bodies to experience pleasure in SO MANY ways. When we dive into our pleasure, we open our desire channel to more and more desires.
PLEASURE is a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Pleasure is a delightful sensation we allow ourselves to feel when our attention and energy is fully in our body. Pleasure is a gift from God that allows us to surrender to the feelings and sensations in the moment. Pleasure is different from fun (being playful) or joy (a state of inner peace), as it allows our bodies to feel.

DESIRE is a natural impulse that originates from your soul. Desire longs for you to expand and grow beyond what you already know. It rises above the obligations, should haves, rational or logical thinking, or seeking the approval of others. It requires that we are led by a force greater than our minds. Desire is the nutrient we need to fuel our soul. Desire is not the object itself. It is about being moved by the energy of desire itself.
So…

What turn’s you on?
What brings you pleasure?
What do you desire?

There is no right or wrong answer. None of these things are wrong or bad. But so many women when asked the questions above have a hard time answering them. Why? Is it that they don’t know, or are they too ashamed to say anything because it’s not something they are supposed to discuss? It’s taboo to talk about turn-on, pleasure and desire. Does culture or comfort hold us back?
The truth is, pleasure is the missing link to much of the unfulfillment women are experiencing in the world today. YOU are the only one that knows your turn on. If something turns you on, it is your responsibility to communicate and let your partner know what you like or create the turn-on yourself. YOU know what brings you pleasure. ou are the only one who knows what feels good and pleasureful to you. Every woman is different, so you can’t expect your partner to know what you like. It’s not their job to be a mind reader.

It is important for you to know your body and what brings you pleasure so that you can communicate to your partner what feels good to you or create the opportunity to experience pleasure just for you.

Mama Gena, founder of the School of Womanly Arts, states, “Pleasure is the direct antidote to the crisis of confidence and powerlessness women are currently experiencing.” Self-development and talk therapy are helpful but they do not get into the body. There is something different that happens when the body experiences pleasure over anything else. We have been looking for confidence in the wrong neighborhood. We believe we are flawed, so we try to hide and pretend like we need to fix something about ourselves, however, what we really need is the ability to connect to our sensual intelligence.
And lastly, only YOU know what you desire. When you are alone in your room, using your imagination, fantasizing and dreaming about your natural desires, only YOU know what you secretly yearn for and crave. What do you wish was different in your life? What are those hungers deep inside of you that are just waiting to break free? You have the power to choose. When you embrace turn-on, own your pleasure and cultivate your desires, you can experience more intimacy, connection and fulfillment with your partner and in life.

August 6, 2020

Cultural Myths that Block Women from Experiencing Pleasure

What is pleasure? How do we as women experience a pleasure-filled life? When a woman shatters the glass ceiling of what pleasure really is and learns to embrace it, the world around her begins to shift.
Pleasure is MORE than taking time out for self-care practices. When we own our pleasure, we connect to a power within that is even greater than ourselves. When a woman expands the love of her body, embraces her radiance and her feminine power, she becomes magnetic, igniting an energy that begins to attract all that she desires.
I realize the concept of pleasure is not something that we all talk about often. So how do we have an open dialogue on this topic and understand the value that focusing on pleasure can do for women? Let me share a story with you.

One woman I worked with had an okay relationship with her partner but wanted to take things to another level. She wanted more intimacy and connection, but everything she tried didn’t seem to work. She tried things like ….

… Talking to him
… Asking him to go to counseling
… Suggesting they go to a workshop together
… Recommending books that would be good for him to learn how to have a better relationship
… Leaving hints around the house
… Giving him an ultimatum
… Just accepting things as they are, and setting for the relationship they currently had

NONE of these things worked.

She was at her wits end. Is this how relationships are supposed to feel? She really did not want to leave her marriage, but at the same time, she felt unhappy and unfulfilled as a woman. She knew she needed to make a change. She was hesitant to focus on pleasure, but nothing else seemed to work. She was a “Good Catholic Girl.” How could she be thinking about focusing on her own pleasure?! She shared with me some of the concerns she had around focusing on pleasure that I think every woman can relate to. She worried that number 1, pleasure was gluttonous. That it was selfish to focus on pleasure. She worried that pleasure was a reward that must by earned by hard work and good behavior. And of course, like a good Catholic girl she didn’t want to look like a like a bimbo or a slut by coming across as too sexy.

Her and I sat and talked about each of these concerns. I shared with her how I have heard so many other women share the same fears, but that there was hope! These are myths that most of us have been taught about pleasure, but they are exactly that, MYTHS. She was hesitant to dive right in to a sexuality program, but nothing else had worked. She knew in her core she had this yearning and longing and was curious to learn more. She was ready.

July 2, 2020

Founder Jen Bugajsky Reviews “The Queen’s Code” by Allison Armstrong

I want to share something with you that was a valuable resource along my journey. There is a book by
Allison Armstrong entitled, “The Queen’s Code,” that I believe every woman should read. When I began
reading the book, I couldn’t put it down. It was like she was speaking directly to me. There is a point
early in the book where she asks you to STOP what you are doing and take a vow. She wants you to
acknowledge the impact that emasculating men has on your relationships. I have to be honest and
share that I needed to look up the word emasculate. While I resonated with what she said, I was looking
for more proof on what this word really meant. Webster states “depriving a man of his male identity,”
and goes on to read “making someone feel weaker or less than.”

OUCH! That doesn’t feel good!

If you are not willing to take the vow, then she recommends that you stop reading the book. It was very
powerful. I vowed at that point I would never consciously emasculate a man again and would learn how
to be a better person. However, it is one thing to make the intention and another thing to follow
through on it. When you have subconsciously been emasculating men all your life, how do you just shut
it off? I want to still be a strong, confident and powerful woman and not let a man control me. Nobody
wants to be a push over, right?

I discovered this book about 3 years ago after my marriage had blown up. I journaled about the many
times I likely emasculated my husband. Realizing I had done this was a hard pill to swallow. No wonder
he didn’t feel like a man. No wonder he didn’t desire me anymore. I made him feel like shit! I didn’t
respect him or make him feel like a man. I remember a point in my marriage when my ex said something
to me like, “Can you let me have one last thing that allows me to keep my dignity? I don’t feel like a man
in any sense of the word.”

I am not here to male bash, but I am sure that many of you could be in relationship where you want the
man in your relationship to “man-up.” You want him to do things differently. You want him to meet your
needs. You want him to do more around the house. You want him to do more for the family. Well the
way I spoke to him certainly was not making things any better; in fact, my comments and the way I
showed up made things even worse.

The damage to our relationship had been done. Our marriage was over, but it doesn’t have to be that
way for every couple. If you are aware that you might be emasculating your man and are willing to learn
how you can shift your energy, you can help change things in your relationship. At The Freedom Keys,
we can help teach you how you can do that. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it is well worth the time
and energy you put into healing. Whether it is for your current relationship or for the benefit of your
future relationship, exploring healthy relationships and healthy sexuality will help you have more
abundance in all aspects of your life.

May 4, 2020

Exploring Motherhood and Sexuality

The Freedom Keys theme this May is all about Motherhood and Sexuality. Many of you might be scratching your heads wondering, “What does motherhood have to do with sexuality?” You had sex to procreate and become a mom, but that’s it.

On the contrary, I would argue that being in touch with your sexuality has EVERYTHING to do with being a good mom. Your sexuality is about who YOU are as a woman, BEFORE and AFTER you became a mom. As women we play many roles in our lives. Whether it is mom, sister, daughter, friend, wife, mother-in-law, or daughter-in-law, each role is important and one role is not more important than the other. There may be times in our lives where one role requires more attention than others, however, they are all important.

When we become a mom, it doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves as a woman. So many women struggle with their bodies, feeling like their bodies are no longer their own after having a baby. You may be nursing, and your boobs are used to feed your children, as opposed to your partner’s fun. Your stomach may not be flat after gaining 50 extra pounds of baby weight, as opposed to feeling slim and sexy in your cute jeans, which no longer fit. Your “lady parts” down there might be loose, whether you had a 6 or 10 pound baby squeezed out of you. You may pee in your pants when you jump, sneeze or cough, as opposed to feeling tight and toned, where you could weight-lift from your vagina. You are exhausted and overwhelmed. You don’t have time to exercise and your body is no longer in “good shape”. You don’t have the time or energy to be intimate with your partners and when you do, you might want the lights off so he won’t see you.

The truth is, if we just focus on being a mom and forget about being a woman, we lose sight of a BIG part of who we are. When you think of the word gender, it is referring to whether you are a man or woman, not whether you are a mother or father. Our gender as a woman defines our sexuality and much of who we are. At its core, female body parts define a biological woman. Women have breasts, ovaries and a vagina, where men have a penis and testicles. It is important that we don’t ignore the beauty of what makes us physically different than men. God designed us to be different, and to have the fortune of being mothers. Our bodies are a part of what makes us special and unique as women. When I talk about sexuality, I mean what makes you the WOMAN you are in the body, mind, and soul.
If we want to be a good mom, have a great marriage, a successful career and an abundance of money, we must not forget who we are at the core. We must love and connect with all the roles and parts that make us a woman. We must understand our bodies are a gift! We need to embrace our bodies, rather than hide or shame them. As a mom, the best gift you can give your kids is an example of a happy, healthy marriage. And it is ok if that marriage now includes a step parent. If you do not focus on your marriage, loving your body, and make sex a priority in your relationship, you are doing yourself, your partner and your kids a dis-service. Sex and intimacy are one of the missing pieces in the puzzle. When you are connected to your sexuality as a woman, you become a better mom, better partner, and a better businesswoman. You shine your light brighter into this world. Rather than telling your kids they can create the life of their dreams, you live by example and show your kids what it means to be a woman and live out your God- given purpose.

I understand that for many women, we were not taught to view motherhood and sexuality this way. That is ok! Let’s explore how each of us relate to this topic with the questions below.

What did your mom teach you about motherhood?
• Did your mom always sacrifice her own needs for yours?
• Did your mom follow her dreams? Or Did she give up her dreams for you?
• Name one quality that YOUR MOM would define as a “good mom”
• Are there things you wish you could say to your mom that you haven’t?
• Is there something that drives you crazy about your mom that you said you never wanted to do when you became a mom?

What did your mom teach you about being a good wife/partner?
• What did your mom teach you about love and relationships?
• Were your parents happily married, divorced or never married?
• What impact did your parents relationship have on how you connect with your partner?
• Did your parents prioritize time to be with each other or their new spouse? Or did they always put you first?
• Did you say you would never do things your mom did?
• Did you see your parents modeling good relationships for you?
• Did you see your mom admire and respect her romantic partner?

What did your mom teach you about sex and your body?
• What did your mom teach you about sex?
• When you got your period, was it a celebration, uneventful or a traumatic experience?
• Did your mom teach you how to love your body?
• Were you taught that brains were more important than beauty?
• Were you taught to love your body or change it to meet a different ideal?

What did your mom teach you about being a WOMAN?
• Is your body your own after being a mom?
• Do you still feel turned on as sexy after being a mom?
• Do you find it hard to feel “in the mood” after being a mom?
• What is one thing you admire about your own mothering abilities?
• What did your religion or culture teach you about being a mom?
• What roles models did you have that taught you how to be a woman?
• Was your mom a good mom and housekeeper, but didn’t teach you how to be a woman?