August 17, 2020

Understanding the “Turn On”

Did you know that being turned-on has more to do with an energetic connection than it does with physical touch alone? We have this false belief that turn-on needs to be “sexual” when there are SO many other things that can turn you on and light your fire that are just as powerful.

When women are craving more intimacy, passion and connection with their partner, I hear concerns like: the romance has died, we live like roommates, I have lost my libido or I don’t feel turned-on anymore. Let’s look at the definition of what it means to be “turned-on” for our answer.
Webster defines “Turn On” as: An activation or cause to flow, operate, or function by or as if by turning a control, or to move pleasurably.

When you turn on the lights, the room goes from dark to light. When you turn on the water faucet, the water goes from nothing to a continuous flow of water. Our energy is the same way. Being turned-on is feeling ALIVE and feeling the positive flow of energy throughout your entire body. A spark ignites and fuels you up on the inside and radiates outward to others. When you are turned-on, people feel the difference in your energy and want to be around you.

When you tune into yourself, into the frequency that fuels your fire, you feel energized and alive. Abraham Hicks, an inspirational speaker and author, regularly talks about being “in the vortex.” She shares inspiring stories and wisdom on how to get tuned in, tapped in and turned on with life. According to Hicks, when you are “turned-on” you are in the flow of life and attract to you the things you desire.

Turn-on can be a physical sensation however it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes we believe that we need a man to be turned-on, because we know how good it feels when we feel turned-on in his presence. The truth is you don’t need a man to find your turn on. If you can find your turn-on without a man, imagine how exciting it can be when you bring your aliveness to meet him. The fireworks that will fly. When you experience the depths of aliveness, you can combine the physical, emotional, energetic and spiritual components of turn on. If you want to experience deeper intimacy and connection in your life, it begins with not just knowing your turn-on, but living a turned-on life.

August 6, 2020

Cultural Myths that Block Women from Experiencing Pleasure

What is pleasure? How do we as women experience a pleasure-filled life? When a woman shatters the glass ceiling of what pleasure really is and learns to embrace it, the world around her begins to shift.
Pleasure is MORE than taking time out for self-care practices. When we own our pleasure, we connect to a power within that is even greater than ourselves. When a woman expands the love of her body, embraces her radiance and her feminine power, she becomes magnetic, igniting an energy that begins to attract all that she desires.
I realize the concept of pleasure is not something that we all talk about often. So how do we have an open dialogue on this topic and understand the value that focusing on pleasure can do for women? Let me share a story with you.

One woman I worked with had an okay relationship with her partner but wanted to take things to another level. She wanted more intimacy and connection, but everything she tried didn’t seem to work. She tried things like ….

… Talking to him
… Asking him to go to counseling
… Suggesting they go to a workshop together
… Recommending books that would be good for him to learn how to have a better relationship
… Leaving hints around the house
… Giving him an ultimatum
… Just accepting things as they are, and setting for the relationship they currently had

NONE of these things worked.

She was at her wits end. Is this how relationships are supposed to feel? She really did not want to leave her marriage, but at the same time, she felt unhappy and unfulfilled as a woman. She knew she needed to make a change. She was hesitant to focus on pleasure, but nothing else seemed to work. She was a “Good Catholic Girl.” How could she be thinking about focusing on her own pleasure?! She shared with me some of the concerns she had around focusing on pleasure that I think every woman can relate to. She worried that number 1, pleasure was gluttonous. That it was selfish to focus on pleasure. She worried that pleasure was a reward that must by earned by hard work and good behavior. And of course, like a good Catholic girl she didn’t want to look like a like a bimbo or a slut by coming across as too sexy.

Her and I sat and talked about each of these concerns. I shared with her how I have heard so many other women share the same fears, but that there was hope! These are myths that most of us have been taught about pleasure, but they are exactly that, MYTHS. She was hesitant to dive right in to a sexuality program, but nothing else had worked. She knew in her core she had this yearning and longing and was curious to learn more. She was ready.

July 23, 2020

Defining Pleasure

When I started focusing on pleasure, my first thought was what are people going to think? I was raised as a good catholic girl, how could I be exploring, let alone encouraging other women to open to the possibilities of what focusing on pleasure could do for their lives, relationships and careers? Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy life, but I’m a busy working mom always on the go living a life filled with passion and purpose and can easily get caught up in all the work to get done, whether it’s participating in church activities, raising my family or building and running my business.

You might say, Jen, I do take time to enjoy my life. I take time for me regularly. I enjoy spending time with my kids, connecting with friends and make date nights. We also take regular vacations. If this is true for you, I applaud your efforts; however, I encourage you to consider your experience with TRULY FEELING pleasure. Pleasure is a delightful sensation we allow ourselves to feel when our attention and energy is FULLY IN OUR BODY.
Pleasure is different from fun (being playful) or joy (a state of inner peace), as it ALLOWS OUR BODIES TO FEEL. When we deny ourselves pleasure, we end up creating physical and emotional pain. Pleasure can be felt through all of our senses. Rediscovering our ability to feel enables us to express our true self which includes experiencing pure enjoyment as well releasing negative or stagnant energies that are no longer serving us.

When we embody ourselves, we awaken the feminine energy and radiance inside of us. We become, healed, whole and healthy. We discover how to reclaim our power and begin to honor and appreciate our body as a temple.

I want you to be curious! What if PLEASURE was the answer?

• WHAT IF you could experience more pleasure in your life with no judgment?
• WHAT IF experiencing pleasure allowed you to discover your purpose?
• WHAT IF owning your pleasure is the key to you discovering your authentic self?
• WHAT would happen IF you gave yourself permission to nurture yourself as a woman?
• WHAT would happen IF you got in touch with your true feminine nature?
• WHAT IF feeling pleasure opened doors of opportunity that you never knew existed?
• WHAT IF experiencing pleasure was the key to creating more intimate relationships?

PLEASURE IS NOT A LUXURY. IT IS A NECESSITY AND A GATEWAY TO POSSIBILITIES. When we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable and feel pleasure, we learn radical self-love and self-respect. We embody a presence that is energetic, empowering and magnetic.

Let us discover all the richness of our feminine nature, all the mystery and magic. As we reclaim our truth, freedom and true happiness, we can expand our radiance, share more of gifts of service to the world and create the intimacy and connection our souls desire.

July 2, 2020

Founder Jen Bugajsky Reviews “The Queen’s Code” by Allison Armstrong

I want to share something with you that was a valuable resource along my journey. There is a book by
Allison Armstrong entitled, “The Queen’s Code,” that I believe every woman should read. When I began
reading the book, I couldn’t put it down. It was like she was speaking directly to me. There is a point
early in the book where she asks you to STOP what you are doing and take a vow. She wants you to
acknowledge the impact that emasculating men has on your relationships. I have to be honest and
share that I needed to look up the word emasculate. While I resonated with what she said, I was looking
for more proof on what this word really meant. Webster states “depriving a man of his male identity,”
and goes on to read “making someone feel weaker or less than.”

OUCH! That doesn’t feel good!

If you are not willing to take the vow, then she recommends that you stop reading the book. It was very
powerful. I vowed at that point I would never consciously emasculate a man again and would learn how
to be a better person. However, it is one thing to make the intention and another thing to follow
through on it. When you have subconsciously been emasculating men all your life, how do you just shut
it off? I want to still be a strong, confident and powerful woman and not let a man control me. Nobody
wants to be a push over, right?

I discovered this book about 3 years ago after my marriage had blown up. I journaled about the many
times I likely emasculated my husband. Realizing I had done this was a hard pill to swallow. No wonder
he didn’t feel like a man. No wonder he didn’t desire me anymore. I made him feel like shit! I didn’t
respect him or make him feel like a man. I remember a point in my marriage when my ex said something
to me like, “Can you let me have one last thing that allows me to keep my dignity? I don’t feel like a man
in any sense of the word.”

I am not here to male bash, but I am sure that many of you could be in relationship where you want the
man in your relationship to “man-up.” You want him to do things differently. You want him to meet your
needs. You want him to do more around the house. You want him to do more for the family. Well the
way I spoke to him certainly was not making things any better; in fact, my comments and the way I
showed up made things even worse.

The damage to our relationship had been done. Our marriage was over, but it doesn’t have to be that
way for every couple. If you are aware that you might be emasculating your man and are willing to learn
how you can shift your energy, you can help change things in your relationship. At The Freedom Keys,
we can help teach you how you can do that. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it is well worth the time
and energy you put into healing. Whether it is for your current relationship or for the benefit of your
future relationship, exploring healthy relationships and healthy sexuality will help you have more
abundance in all aspects of your life.

July 2, 2020

The 4 Ways You May Be Emasculating Men

As we explore letting go of control, let us take a deeper dive into why we might emasculate men in the
first place. Last month we discussed how women need to feel loved in order to respect a man and on
the flip side, a man needs to feel respected in order to love and desire a woman. It feels like a vicious
cycle. If you are not feeling the type of connection and intimacy you desire from your man, you are likely
emasculating your man without knowing it.

When I first started exploring this idea it made sense conceptually; however, I wanted to learn more. I
wanted to know what things I was saying and doing that were emasculating to men. Where was I
criticizing and putting a man down as opposed to encouraging him and lifting him up. We know it’s
important to honor and respect our husbands, but what we don’t realize are the little things. The little
jabs and hooks we throw that no one talks about that are the culprits.

I want you to think about the following questions…

– Are you a strong, confident, independent woman who feels disconnected with your partner?
– Do You feel frustrated your partner isn’t meeting your needs?
– Do You struggle with communicating with your partner and feel he doesn’t hear you?
– Does he shut down and refuse to open-up to you?
– Do you end up feeling like you need to do everything yourself and question if he even finds you
attractive or desirable?

If you answered YES to any of these questions you are likely thinking, “Are you a fly on my wall?!” It is
likely that you are emasculating your man and don’t realize it. One of the keys to creating deeper
intimacy and connection with a man is to understand men and the polarity between men and women. If
you show up in a controlling, demanding or pressured way, you will not get the results you desire, and
you will push your man away. The key to igniting intimacy with your man is to own your sexuality,
surrender control and show up in your essence as a woman.

We must learn to be a strong, confident, whole women, but not at the expense of crushing our men.
The key is to stop emasculating men and provide more respect and appreciation. We must show up
differently to our relationships. When we correct these habits as women, the vicious cycle of love vs.
respect stops and the desire and connection between you and your partner can re-ignite.
There are four ways that we emasculate men without realizing it. Trust me some of these things are so
simple that we don’t even realize we are doing it, because we have been behaving this way all of our
lives. Our female role models have done these things too without realizing how it impacts our
relationships with men. I have created a resource that educates women on the four ways that we
emasculate men. If you are interested in learning more, I encourage you to sign up for my monthly
online membership and this month you will receive the resource “How to Stop Crushing the Man.”

Learn more by visiting our services page or contacting jen@thfreedomkeys.com.

July 2, 2020

Control and the Emasculation of Men

Last month we talked about Celebrating Masculinity and the impact that male relationships have had in
our lives and how we understand sexuality. This month we are going to dig a bit deeper. So many of us
want the type of romantic relationships we saw growing up as kids in fairy tales. The relationship where
we are swept off our feet, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. Or as an adult, we crave the
deep intimacy we see on the Hallmark channel or in romantic movies where we feel the hot passion and
intense desire with the “man of our dreams.”

The truth is we desire connection and intimacy at our core. We have this hunger to be cherished,
treasured, loved and desired by a man. However, we don’t realize how embracing our sexuality, or not
embracing our sexuality, has a direct impact on whether we can achieve this deep intimate experience
we so desperately crave.

Do you want to know the #1 biggest thing that gets in the way of the intimacy we so crave? Control.
Our society has traditionally labeled character traits for boys and girls, and encouraged us as parents to
teach our kids what it means to be a “good girl” or “good boy.” However, the feminist movement has
inspired many women to change that mentality; stepping up to be strong, independent successful
women. We have been told we can do anything a boy can do, and at the same time, we have become
“too controlling” in our ways. With the desire to be strong, independent and confident, many women
have subconsciously put up blocks creating a false, inauthentic version of themselves without realizing
it.

I am not suggesting that women should not be strong and independent, they absolutely should.
However, I believe we have swayed too much to one side. It is not always about WHAT WE DO OR SAY,
it’s about HOW WE SHOW UP. In our efforts to DO MORE or overcome oppression in some ways, we
have lost a piece of ourselves.

When we are young and first in love, we show up different. We feel alive, passionate and on fire. There
is attraction, polarity and connection, which is a natural part of being a woman. As time goes on, this
attraction and connection can fade. With day to day life responsibilities, couples can tend to take each
other for granted and the spark that was once there seems to have diminished. Women are so busy
doing life that we just go through the motions at times. We become numb. There is no time for sex or
pleasure. It is more important to take care of our family, house, church, business or community. Women
are working themselves too hard striving to be successful, trying to keep it together and focusing on
serving and pleasing others rather than surrendering into the truest expression of themselves.
Women show up with an energy of having to DO IT ALL. We take it upon ourselves to be in control and
have forgotten how to surrender and let go. The truth is, in trying to maintain that control we end up
emasculating men more often than we realize. This need for control kills the connection with that
partner and “desire” in our relationships (as well as our orgasm). As a result, so many women live with
this feeling that SOMETHING IS MISSING, yet can’t put their finger on it. We don’t realize what is
underneath this hunger we so desperately crave. We are so busy focusing on our responsibilities that we
forget this deep hunger inside. We ignore it and show up in a way that emasculates rather than creates
connection with our partner.

When a woman learns to give up control and surrenders to the divine nature within her soul, she is filled
with more love and passion than she could have ever imagined. It is no longer about control,
responsibility or getting things done. She tunes into the essence of herself and feels with her body,
instead of thinks with her mind. When she learns how to respond versus react, and shows up with honor
and respect for her partner, she creates the connection and intimacy she so desperately desires.

May 4, 2020

Exploring Motherhood and Sexuality

The Freedom Keys theme this May is all about Motherhood and Sexuality. Many of you might be scratching your heads wondering, “What does motherhood have to do with sexuality?” You had sex to procreate and become a mom, but that’s it.

On the contrary, I would argue that being in touch with your sexuality has EVERYTHING to do with being a good mom. Your sexuality is about who YOU are as a woman, BEFORE and AFTER you became a mom. As women we play many roles in our lives. Whether it is mom, sister, daughter, friend, wife, mother-in-law, or daughter-in-law, each role is important and one role is not more important than the other. There may be times in our lives where one role requires more attention than others, however, they are all important.

When we become a mom, it doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves as a woman. So many women struggle with their bodies, feeling like their bodies are no longer their own after having a baby. You may be nursing, and your boobs are used to feed your children, as opposed to your partner’s fun. Your stomach may not be flat after gaining 50 extra pounds of baby weight, as opposed to feeling slim and sexy in your cute jeans, which no longer fit. Your “lady parts” down there might be loose, whether you had a 6 or 10 pound baby squeezed out of you. You may pee in your pants when you jump, sneeze or cough, as opposed to feeling tight and toned, where you could weight-lift from your vagina. You are exhausted and overwhelmed. You don’t have time to exercise and your body is no longer in “good shape”. You don’t have the time or energy to be intimate with your partners and when you do, you might want the lights off so he won’t see you.

The truth is, if we just focus on being a mom and forget about being a woman, we lose sight of a BIG part of who we are. When you think of the word gender, it is referring to whether you are a man or woman, not whether you are a mother or father. Our gender as a woman defines our sexuality and much of who we are. At its core, female body parts define a biological woman. Women have breasts, ovaries and a vagina, where men have a penis and testicles. It is important that we don’t ignore the beauty of what makes us physically different than men. God designed us to be different, and to have the fortune of being mothers. Our bodies are a part of what makes us special and unique as women. When I talk about sexuality, I mean what makes you the WOMAN you are in the body, mind, and soul.
If we want to be a good mom, have a great marriage, a successful career and an abundance of money, we must not forget who we are at the core. We must love and connect with all the roles and parts that make us a woman. We must understand our bodies are a gift! We need to embrace our bodies, rather than hide or shame them. As a mom, the best gift you can give your kids is an example of a happy, healthy marriage. And it is ok if that marriage now includes a step parent. If you do not focus on your marriage, loving your body, and make sex a priority in your relationship, you are doing yourself, your partner and your kids a dis-service. Sex and intimacy are one of the missing pieces in the puzzle. When you are connected to your sexuality as a woman, you become a better mom, better partner, and a better businesswoman. You shine your light brighter into this world. Rather than telling your kids they can create the life of their dreams, you live by example and show your kids what it means to be a woman and live out your God- given purpose.

I understand that for many women, we were not taught to view motherhood and sexuality this way. That is ok! Let’s explore how each of us relate to this topic with the questions below.

What did your mom teach you about motherhood?
• Did your mom always sacrifice her own needs for yours?
• Did your mom follow her dreams? Or Did she give up her dreams for you?
• Name one quality that YOUR MOM would define as a “good mom”
• Are there things you wish you could say to your mom that you haven’t?
• Is there something that drives you crazy about your mom that you said you never wanted to do when you became a mom?

What did your mom teach you about being a good wife/partner?
• What did your mom teach you about love and relationships?
• Were your parents happily married, divorced or never married?
• What impact did your parents relationship have on how you connect with your partner?
• Did your parents prioritize time to be with each other or their new spouse? Or did they always put you first?
• Did you say you would never do things your mom did?
• Did you see your parents modeling good relationships for you?
• Did you see your mom admire and respect her romantic partner?

What did your mom teach you about sex and your body?
• What did your mom teach you about sex?
• When you got your period, was it a celebration, uneventful or a traumatic experience?
• Did your mom teach you how to love your body?
• Were you taught that brains were more important than beauty?
• Were you taught to love your body or change it to meet a different ideal?

What did your mom teach you about being a WOMAN?
• Is your body your own after being a mom?
• Do you still feel turned on as sexy after being a mom?
• Do you find it hard to feel “in the mood” after being a mom?
• What is one thing you admire about your own mothering abilities?
• What did your religion or culture teach you about being a mom?
• What roles models did you have that taught you how to be a woman?
• Was your mom a good mom and housekeeper, but didn’t teach you how to be a woman?