January 29, 2022

What is Unconditional Love?

What is Unconditional Love Anyway?

How often to you offer love with “strings attached”, without knowing it? Or have an expectation of that if someone loves you they will do something for you?

The day before Christmas, my boys were all together under the same roof for the first time in months.  All I wanted for Christmas, was my boys to take a nice family photo.  I believed I was not expecting too much.  But all hell broke lose when one of my son’s REFUSED to take a family photo.  Can anyone else relate?

I know with little kids, it’s sometimes hard to take a photo, but you would think with adult children it would be different. My one son doesn’t like taking photos, but I figured that since it was the only thing I asked for, that he would do it.  He reluctantly put on our new matching PJ’s  and stood behind us as we took the photo.  He turned the Christmas tree off during the photo and hid so we couldn’t see his face.  When we realized he wasn’t in the photo, we asked him to take it again.  We all said things like… Please put your jammies back on. Why can’t you just take a photo? I don’t understand what the big deal is with taking a picture etc…) At this point, he was done.

I tried to talk with him, but by this point, his emotional well being had hit the charts.  There would be no talking. I have learned over time that when he gets triggered, he needs his space.  Talking to him, asking him questions and trying to get him to engage are inconceivable to him.  Anyone’s consistent probing doesn’t do any good.

I initially felt horrible. All I wanted was a picture and some family time and it turned into a dramatic affair. I did some self-reflecting on the whole event and it made me think about expectations and unconditional love.

Did I really think that him refusing to take the photo meant that he didn’t love me? Did I really think that he intentionally wanted to hurt me?  Was I setting the expectation that if he loves me, he will take the photo, and if he doesn’t love me then he won’t?  So many wild ideas can cross our minds, and it made me really wonder what the lesson was for me.

Each person is unique, and this son handles things very differently that I would, but it doesn’t mean I love him any less. The greatest gift I could have given him is unconditional love.  Even if you don’t take a photo, I still love you.  He doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, he just knows he’s different.  Sometimes he doesn’t like being different, but he is.

The next morning, I went downstairs and he wouldn’t speak to me.  He was hiding under the covers.  He didn’t want a lecture.  I said good morning, I love you and left.  Later that morning, he tapped me on the shoulder when walking by and I knew today would be a better day.

I am sure he felt bad for how things ended.  He has told me before, sometimes he can’t control how his body responds and he just needs space. He didn’t want us to yell at him and blame him for what happened.  The truth is, he typically asks for 24-hour notice for watching movies, pictures, family time, etc…   His body needs to prepare for the connection with people.   He was not ready for this type of connection and was pushed to the limit.  It seems odd for the rest of us, but it is a great reminder to learn how to love and accept people for who they are.  This son has made an extreme influence in my life on managing expectations and meeting people where they are and not expecting them to be just like me.

You can’t force someone to be how you want them to be.  You need to understand them and invite them on the journey with you.   If they follow you great, if they don’t that is ok too. It is THEIR journey.

The deeper lesson for me is that while I have expectations of what I desire in life, I am not going to let my love of myself be determined on another person’s actions or lack of action. Or think things like….

If my son doesn’t take a picture, I am not loved.
If my son doesn’t buy me a gift, I am not loved.
If my son doesn’t believe in my spiritual or life theories, I am not loved.

My LOVE, VALUE and WORTH, are not defined by anyone else.  I am loved, cherished, honored, deserving and worthy, because I choose to love myself.  I CHOOSE LOVE.  I choose to BE LOVE.  I choose to act in a loving way, even when I know the person is triggered.  Fighting back is ego’s controlling response of needing to be in power and only creates drama.

In the moment after the photos, I wasn’t choosing LOVE.  I was triggered.  It was a power struggle. I wanted something and wasn’t getting it.  I came across demanding love, which never works.

Did we both make mistakes in the process?  YES
Could we have said or done things differently? YES
Did I have unrealistic expectations of what I wanted? NO
Did he have unrealistic expectations of how he would have liked the situation handled? NO

Communication on expectations and limits or boundaries are key.  Only through communicating your needs and wants can we teach people how to treat us.  Demanding what you want, when you want it, because you want it, never works.

Loving yourself unconditionally and knowing you are not broken, you do not need to be fixed, you are loved, deserving and worthy, allows you to shine your love and light into the world.  You do not need someone else’s validation (especially your children) to know that you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVE.

August 17, 2020

Turn On, Pleasure and Desire

What’s the connection with turn-on, pleasure and desire?

TURN-ON is what makes us feel ALIVE inside. When we FEEL alive, we allow our bodies to experience pleasure in SO MANY ways. When we dive into our pleasure, we open our desire channel to more and more desires.
PLEASURE is a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Pleasure is a delightful sensation we allow ourselves to feel when our attention and energy is fully in our body. Pleasure is a gift from God that allows us to surrender to the feelings and sensations in the moment. Pleasure is different from fun (being playful) or joy (a state of inner peace), as it allows our bodies to feel.

DESIRE is a natural impulse that originates from your soul. Desire longs for you to expand and grow beyond what you already know. It rises above the obligations, should haves, rational or logical thinking, or seeking the approval of others. It requires that we are led by a force greater than our minds. Desire is the nutrient we need to fuel our soul. Desire is not the object itself. It is about being moved by the energy of desire itself.
So…

What turn’s you on?
What brings you pleasure?
What do you desire?

There is no right or wrong answer. None of these things are wrong or bad. But so many women when asked the questions above have a hard time answering them. Why? Is it that they don’t know, or are they too ashamed to say anything because it’s not something they are supposed to discuss? It’s taboo to talk about turn-on, pleasure and desire. Does culture or comfort hold us back?
The truth is, pleasure is the missing link to much of the unfulfillment women are experiencing in the world today. YOU are the only one that knows your turn on. If something turns you on, it is your responsibility to communicate and let your partner know what you like or create the turn-on yourself. YOU know what brings you pleasure. ou are the only one who knows what feels good and pleasureful to you. Every woman is different, so you can’t expect your partner to know what you like. It’s not their job to be a mind reader.

It is important for you to know your body and what brings you pleasure so that you can communicate to your partner what feels good to you or create the opportunity to experience pleasure just for you.

Mama Gena, founder of the School of Womanly Arts, states, “Pleasure is the direct antidote to the crisis of confidence and powerlessness women are currently experiencing.” Self-development and talk therapy are helpful but they do not get into the body. There is something different that happens when the body experiences pleasure over anything else. We have been looking for confidence in the wrong neighborhood. We believe we are flawed, so we try to hide and pretend like we need to fix something about ourselves, however, what we really need is the ability to connect to our sensual intelligence.
And lastly, only YOU know what you desire. When you are alone in your room, using your imagination, fantasizing and dreaming about your natural desires, only YOU know what you secretly yearn for and crave. What do you wish was different in your life? What are those hungers deep inside of you that are just waiting to break free? You have the power to choose. When you embrace turn-on, own your pleasure and cultivate your desires, you can experience more intimacy, connection and fulfillment with your partner and in life.

August 11, 2020

Make a Commitment to Your Pleasure

As we dive deeper into understanding what pleasure is as well as the importance of it, we owe it to ourselves to make a commitment to our pleasure and our radiance.

With any new venture or goal in life, the hardest part is making the decision and getting started. Let’s think about the decision to eat healthier or workout out. How many times have you said to yourself, I am going to start eating better or go to the gym regularly to find yourself NOT following through on what it was you said you were going to do for yourself.
Just like eating healthy, going to the gym, meditating, or going to church are all regular habits or practices, PLEASURE IS ALSO A PRACTICE. You can’t just eat healthy once a week and expect to be slim. You also can’t just workout once a week and expect to tone your body. You need to make a commitment to yourself and create a regular practice.
I am gifting you with the opportunity to make a vow to yourself to own your pleasure. Join our movement, by choosing to reclaim your sexuality as a woman and anchor the journey of coming home to yourself. In choosing to accept The Pleasure Promise, you are taking a stand to connect more deeply with yourself, your body, your partner and the Divine.

The Pleasure Promise is a 3-part journey:
• Learning to love and accept your body
• Discovering your own pleasure (with or without a partner)
• Surrendering to a deeper spiritual connection (intimacy and sharing of whole self)

You will find that pleasure is the gateway to a deeper spiritual connection with your partner and the Divine. If you truly want to experience the depth of intimacy and connection you crave, making a commitment to your pleasure is vitally important. It could be be THE THING that saves your marriage or that makes your man want to commit to you.

If you are ready to begin the next phase of your journey and are curious on learning more about HOW to create a practice of committing to your own pleasure, click on our website link and sign up to receive a download of The Pleasure Promise. You can use this guide as a daily promise to yourself and your pleasure.

If you are ready to take your commitment to another level, sign up for a complementary consultation and learn how we can support you on your personal journey.

August 6, 2020

Cultural Myths that Block Women from Experiencing Pleasure

What is pleasure? How do we as women experience a pleasure-filled life? When a woman shatters the glass ceiling of what pleasure really is and learns to embrace it, the world around her begins to shift.
Pleasure is MORE than taking time out for self-care practices. When we own our pleasure, we connect to a power within that is even greater than ourselves. When a woman expands the love of her body, embraces her radiance and her feminine power, she becomes magnetic, igniting an energy that begins to attract all that she desires.
I realize the concept of pleasure is not something that we all talk about often. So how do we have an open dialogue on this topic and understand the value that focusing on pleasure can do for women? Let me share a story with you.

One woman I worked with had an okay relationship with her partner but wanted to take things to another level. She wanted more intimacy and connection, but everything she tried didn’t seem to work. She tried things like ….

… Talking to him
… Asking him to go to counseling
… Suggesting they go to a workshop together
… Recommending books that would be good for him to learn how to have a better relationship
… Leaving hints around the house
… Giving him an ultimatum
… Just accepting things as they are, and setting for the relationship they currently had

NONE of these things worked.

She was at her wits end. Is this how relationships are supposed to feel? She really did not want to leave her marriage, but at the same time, she felt unhappy and unfulfilled as a woman. She knew she needed to make a change. She was hesitant to focus on pleasure, but nothing else seemed to work. She was a “Good Catholic Girl.” How could she be thinking about focusing on her own pleasure?! She shared with me some of the concerns she had around focusing on pleasure that I think every woman can relate to. She worried that number 1, pleasure was gluttonous. That it was selfish to focus on pleasure. She worried that pleasure was a reward that must by earned by hard work and good behavior. And of course, like a good Catholic girl she didn’t want to look like a like a bimbo or a slut by coming across as too sexy.

Her and I sat and talked about each of these concerns. I shared with her how I have heard so many other women share the same fears, but that there was hope! These are myths that most of us have been taught about pleasure, but they are exactly that, MYTHS. She was hesitant to dive right in to a sexuality program, but nothing else had worked. She knew in her core she had this yearning and longing and was curious to learn more. She was ready.