May 4, 2020

Exploring Motherhood and Sexuality

The Freedom Keys theme this May is all about Motherhood and Sexuality. Many of you might be scratching your heads wondering, “What does motherhood have to do with sexuality?” You had sex to procreate and become a mom, but that’s it.

On the contrary, I would argue that being in touch with your sexuality has EVERYTHING to do with being a good mom. Your sexuality is about who YOU are as a woman, BEFORE and AFTER you became a mom. As women we play many roles in our lives. Whether it is mom, sister, daughter, friend, wife, mother-in-law, or daughter-in-law, each role is important and one role is not more important than the other. There may be times in our lives where one role requires more attention than others, however, they are all important.

When we become a mom, it doesn’t mean we have to lose ourselves as a woman. So many women struggle with their bodies, feeling like their bodies are no longer their own after having a baby. You may be nursing, and your boobs are used to feed your children, as opposed to your partner’s fun. Your stomach may not be flat after gaining 50 extra pounds of baby weight, as opposed to feeling slim and sexy in your cute jeans, which no longer fit. Your “lady parts” down there might be loose, whether you had a 6 or 10 pound baby squeezed out of you. You may pee in your pants when you jump, sneeze or cough, as opposed to feeling tight and toned, where you could weight-lift from your vagina. You are exhausted and overwhelmed. You don’t have time to exercise and your body is no longer in “good shape”. You don’t have the time or energy to be intimate with your partners and when you do, you might want the lights off so he won’t see you.

The truth is, if we just focus on being a mom and forget about being a woman, we lose sight of a BIG part of who we are. When you think of the word gender, it is referring to whether you are a man or woman, not whether you are a mother or father. Our gender as a woman defines our sexuality and much of who we are. At its core, female body parts define a biological woman. Women have breasts, ovaries and a vagina, where men have a penis and testicles. It is important that we don’t ignore the beauty of what makes us physically different than men. God designed us to be different, and to have the fortune of being mothers. Our bodies are a part of what makes us special and unique as women. When I talk about sexuality, I mean what makes you the WOMAN you are in the body, mind, and soul.
If we want to be a good mom, have a great marriage, a successful career and an abundance of money, we must not forget who we are at the core. We must love and connect with all the roles and parts that make us a woman. We must understand our bodies are a gift! We need to embrace our bodies, rather than hide or shame them. As a mom, the best gift you can give your kids is an example of a happy, healthy marriage. And it is ok if that marriage now includes a step parent. If you do not focus on your marriage, loving your body, and make sex a priority in your relationship, you are doing yourself, your partner and your kids a dis-service. Sex and intimacy are one of the missing pieces in the puzzle. When you are connected to your sexuality as a woman, you become a better mom, better partner, and a better businesswoman. You shine your light brighter into this world. Rather than telling your kids they can create the life of their dreams, you live by example and show your kids what it means to be a woman and live out your God- given purpose.

I understand that for many women, we were not taught to view motherhood and sexuality this way. That is ok! Let’s explore how each of us relate to this topic with the questions below.

What did your mom teach you about motherhood?
• Did your mom always sacrifice her own needs for yours?
• Did your mom follow her dreams? Or Did she give up her dreams for you?
• Name one quality that YOUR MOM would define as a “good mom”
• Are there things you wish you could say to your mom that you haven’t?
• Is there something that drives you crazy about your mom that you said you never wanted to do when you became a mom?

What did your mom teach you about being a good wife/partner?
• What did your mom teach you about love and relationships?
• Were your parents happily married, divorced or never married?
• What impact did your parents relationship have on how you connect with your partner?
• Did your parents prioritize time to be with each other or their new spouse? Or did they always put you first?
• Did you say you would never do things your mom did?
• Did you see your parents modeling good relationships for you?
• Did you see your mom admire and respect her romantic partner?

What did your mom teach you about sex and your body?
• What did your mom teach you about sex?
• When you got your period, was it a celebration, uneventful or a traumatic experience?
• Did your mom teach you how to love your body?
• Were you taught that brains were more important than beauty?
• Were you taught to love your body or change it to meet a different ideal?

What did your mom teach you about being a WOMAN?
• Is your body your own after being a mom?
• Do you still feel turned on as sexy after being a mom?
• Do you find it hard to feel “in the mood” after being a mom?
• What is one thing you admire about your own mothering abilities?
• What did your religion or culture teach you about being a mom?
• What roles models did you have that taught you how to be a woman?
• Was your mom a good mom and housekeeper, but didn’t teach you how to be a woman?

March 22, 2017

Do you hold onto things that Paralyze you?

How many of us hold on to things that paralyze us?

Something happens and we spin in a cycle of anger, shame or humiliation and can’t seem to get ourselves out of it. The only way out is through. Accept what happened, feel the wave of emotions and then let them go. All emotions are portals to our next phase of learning and healing  It does us no good to complain about a situation or to wallow in our suffering or anxiety.  It’s also important to know that there are no good or bad feelings.   All feelings show up to teach us a lesson.  We must not label them and look for the gift that is available to us.

When we thank the situation for the gifts that it brings, we are able to feel in the moment, lean into the lesson, let go and move on…

If you are angry, maybe the lesson is trust yourself more.
If you are shameful, maybe the lesson is to have more courage and be enthusiastic about taking bold steps in your future..
If you feel humiliation, maybe the lesson is to claim more respect
If you are 

Releae let go

I had an experience last week that was absolutely humiliating.  It created so much anxiety in my body that I almost couldn’t function.  I kept reliving the experience and beating myself up.  When I realized what I was doing, I decided to give myself a timeout to take a nice hot bath.  I needed quiet time with myself to feel into what my body was trying to tell me.  I wasn’t going to get answers from anyone else.  People could tell me to let it go, you are worrying over nothing, but no words that anyone said were going to heal the pain.  I needed quiet time alone with me to go within and feel into the lessons that were right there in front of me.  There was SO MUCH healing that took place from this crazy incident that I am now super grateful for it.

How often do we create more anxiety for ourselves than we have to?  We spend countless hours, worrying, contemplating, hiding, being afraid, contracting and playing small.  At what cost? The time spent is NOT serving us.  We need to learn how to acknowledge and own what is going on, feel into the lesson and move on.  That is the only way through.

When we feel an emotion, it makes the experience of the opposite that much deeper. Maybe the situation you are going through is allowing you to experience deeper levels of Trust, Courage and Respect for yourself. How great is that!

Be grateful, feel the emotions and then let go.

March 8, 2017

Embrace Your Weirdness! What is Normal Anyway?

As millions of women gather in various places in honor of International Women’s day this week, I thought it was fitting to not only honor women who have stood up for many important causes as well as controversial topics over the years, but to also reflect upon what difference each one of us makes as a WOMAN.

Have you really ever thought about how BEING who you are not WHAT YOU DO, makes a difference in someone’s life? I encourage you to ACCEPT yourself for who you are.  No strings attached. Too many of us are focused on
1) seeking perfection (we want to be right and we don’t want to fail),
2) asking for permission (getting someone else’s approval) and
3) people pleasing, (or following the rules so we don’t hurt someone else’s feelings).

What would happen if you just showed up as who you are and did and said what felt good and in the moment.
… So what if you make a mistake and its not perfect
… So what if someone doesn’t like your idea, do you love it?  Go for it.
… So what if someone else misinterprets what you say or takes it personally

I myself have worried too much about what others will think of me.  If I say or do something that comes to mind, what will someone else think?  Is what I am doing or thinking NORMAL?
Weirdness2Many times we question, Is this “NORMAL”? We look for permission from others to see if what we are thinking or feeling is okay.  I many times catch myself saying things like “I’m just weird”, “Is that normal” or “I’m just crazy.”

What the heck is NORMAL anyway?!?!? Who defines what normal is? And if everyone were normal, what fun would that be? Where would the creativity and spontaneity be?

Why do we doubt ourselves and feel bad about what we think or feel? It could feel shameful, wrong, against the rules, or not approved by someone else. Why do we do this to ourselves?

I am done looking for normal
I am done trying to be normal
I am done trying to fit into someone else’s expectations of me
I am done looking for others to validate that what I think or feel is normal
I am done worrying about feeling weird or crazy, questioning if what I think or say is normal.

I know my truth and accept myself for who I am (weirdness and all). It takes courage to step up, claim your power, speak your truth and use your voice. Step into confidence, ask for what you really want and command the respect and credibility that you deserve. It all begins with accepting and claiming ALL OF YOU! Weird parts and all.

If every woman embraced her weirdness, we would see so many more creative, strategic, innovative ideas being born. There is no need for validation from others. Be who you are weird, crazy, quirks and all. It’s all good. In fact, those are likely the things that make you special and unique.

SO EMBRACE YOUR WEIRDNESS TODAY!

 

March 1, 2017

A Touching Mother Daughter Story

This past month my mother asked to come to my women’s circle for the first time.  She has always been curious about it, but hesitant to invite herself.   In my heart I felt it was the right timing.   We did an activity, where I asked everyone to share one hobby that they absolutely love.  I was initially surprised, but then inspired by her answer.

Mom ResultsMom said “I love my Isagenix.  It has changed my life.”  At first I thought what an odd thing to mention as a hobby, but in the spirit of no judgment, I let her proceed to explain why and my heart began to melt.  When I started the program my goal was weight loss.  I wanted to look and feel good again in my body.  I didn’t really have any aches or pains.  But mom on the other hand, has had a variety of different health issues.  She explained how she had very little energy and had a hard time getting through the day.  She also had really bad knee and joint pain.

After being on the product, she found that she had more energy, less pain and she lost over 35 pounds and 50 inches.  To top it off she has this aliveness about her that I haven’t seen in years.  My mom has always been a loving giving person who focused on giving to others and not focusing on herself.  It warms my heart to see that she has finally taken the time to do something for her.

She said I will be on this product for life, I FEEL SO GOOD!!!!

I was totally not expecting that.  While I experienced weight loss and a new zest for life, she experience SO MUCH MORE. The PAIN was minimized or gone. How many people live with PAIN until it is too much to bear?

I know Isagenix has the power to help with a variety of different health issues, its just that I had never personally experienced alot of PAIN, or maybe didn’t realize it.  I didn’t know what it felt like to have a hard time walking, to struggle to have the energy to keep up with kids or grandkids, to physically be in pain throughout the entire day, but still keep on a happy face and move on through the day.

My mom’s success had been a huge motivator for me to get back out there are share the benefits of this amazing product. I am starting a 30 day challenge on March 15.  I would love to have you join me.   You will not only have the benefits of the product itself, but you will have the support of a certified coach who can guide you along the way.

The interesting part of this whole experience, is that the weight loss and increased energy came with absolutely no working out.  I am not advocating for no movement, however, I want to share the benefits that you don’t have to focus on changing eating habits AND adding in exercise at the same time in order to reach some of your health and weight loss goals.

PhraseEvery positive change in your life begins with a clear, unequivocal decision, that you are going to either DO SOMETHING or STOP DOING SOMETHING.   It all begins with CHOOSING TO DECIDE you want more for your life.  Start giving your body the nutrition it needs.  You will be amazed at the life transforming results.

Contact Jen at Jen@thefreedomkeys.com for more information.

February 21, 2017

Thank You and It Takes A Village

Gift

As a special thanks to all of my subscribers, I have decided to provide some BONUSES for you. We all know that it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to help each of us grow in our own journey’s as well and I have 3 special offers for you.

 

 

1) FREE CONSULT: If you are someone who could use help in transforming your passions into actions for your life, I want to support you. I have challenged myself to serve 20 women in the next 2 weeks with a FREE consultation.  We will discuss how to help set you up for success so you claim what you really want for your life and your career.

To schedule your NO OBLIGATION consult click HERE

2) INFORMATIONAL INTERVIEWS: I am looking for volunteers to participate in a series of interviews around the challenge that women face in the corporate world. If you or someone you know would be a good candidate for this interview, please let me know.  I am scheduling to have interviews completed by the end of March.

To participate in an interview send an email to Jen@thefreedomkeys.com  (Draft Interview questions will be sent ahead of time so that you can prepare for our discussion)

3) SPOTLIGHT SECTION: I have decided to create a spotlight section in my newsletter to provide you with even more value and suggest other practitioners and resources that might be of benefit to you.  You will see our first Sponsor Highlight below.   If you are interested in a spotlight section, please send an email to Jen@thefreedomkeys.com 

I would like to Spotlight two friends Karen Carlson of Be Well Massage and Brenda Gray of Hypnosis for Change.  They are hosting an event that will enlighten you to 10 simple techniques you can integrate into your daily lives to create wellness, relaxation, and a sense of well-being.

You Won’t Believe How 10 Simple Wellness Techniques Will Change Your Life

Date: March 22, 2017
Time: 6-8:00pm
Place: Ruah Center, 1110 Washington Street, Naperville, IL
Tickets: http://bit.ly/2lxh4A9
Questions?  Call Brenda 815-557-9752 or Karen 630.542.7573

 

 

February 8, 2017

I Faced My Fear

How many of us have the courage to face our fears? Its so much easier to run away and hide from them, than it is to face them.  If we can point the finger or blame someone else for a situation, then we keep ourselves in that fear mentality.  We are choosing to not take responsibility in the moment.  How are we modeling that for our kids?  Do your kids see you talking about your fears and facing them?`

I want to share a recent story from my 7 year old son.  We went to his brothers hockey tournament and of course he wanted to stop at the snack bar and get a bag of chips for the game.  I gave him a couple of dollars and suggested that if he really wanted the snack that he could go to the counter and order himself.  He looked at me and said, “no you do it”.  I looked back at him and said, “mommy is right here.  If you really want the chips you will go and pay for it yourself.”  He proceeded to refuse.  I then told him I was NOT going to buy it for him.  As you can imagine he was not a happy little camper. He was very upset with me and didn’t want to speak to me. He was pouting.

face fearThe afternoon passed and a few hours later there was a second hockey game. Andy said mommy “can I have money for a snack? I’ll do it this time.”  I was surprised.  I watched and waited as he went to the snack bar all by himself.  He then came back and said “‘Mommy, I did it I faced my fear!”.

I was so proud of my little guy.  He must obviously hear me talk about facing our fears all the time for him to be so confident and proud in saying what he did.  This was a great example for me in standing my ground and not giving in just to please a kid.  He experience what it was like to pout and not get his way.  He learned it didn’t work.  Then next time he learned how to step up and take responsibility for his actions.

Happy Kid.  Happy Mom!

January 23, 2017

What are Three Little Words that Hurt Our Self Care Practices?

You hear phrases like, nurture yourself, self-care, take time for you, etc… You know self-care is important, but if you are overwhelmed like I was, you almost don’t know where to begin.  You know that something feels off.  You know that you have this burning desire for something more.  You know that in your gut that something is missing, BUT where do you even begin?  Will anyone even care if I start taking time out for me?  Will anyone even notice?  Will one small act REALLY make a difference?  You will be surprised at how little things can make a big difference.  The first step though is really looking at what you care about.

Do you REALLY care about how you look?
Do you REALLY care about how you are perceived?
Do you REALLY care about being put together?
Do you REALLY care that your house is messy or clean?

What we think to ourselves about ourselves REALLY does matter.  If we even think to ourselves that things really don’t matter, then we will continue to bring it on.  For what we think about, we bring about. I can remember as a little girl thinking that certain things didn’t really matter to me.  I didn’t care.

lovecarebodyThe 3 little words that hurt our self-care practice is “I DON’T CARE” or Nobody Cares!

How often you find yourself saying the words “I don’t care”.   If we look at this more closely, that means “SELF DOESN’T CARE”.  WOW.  We know our words are powerful, but when you continue to repeat the phrase I don’t care, you might not realize how often you are bringing “not caring” into your life.

Three years ago my word of the year was NURTURE.  I focused on self-care from a variety of different angles.   I began to take time for me.  I began to meditate, rest, eat better, focus on spiritual, mental and emotional aspects of self, however I forgot one piece “the physical”.  I let it go.I started off the year focusing on nurturing me, and then life and business got in the way.  I didn’t spend as much time on self- care.  I also didn’t realize that I was sabotaging myself by consistently using the words nobody cares.

I would find myself constantly saying, nobody cares around here.   Nobody gives a shit.  Does that sound familiar?  WOW!   Since my word of the year was NURTURE, the Universe was pushing things into my life to remind myself that my intention was to NURTURE myself.  So when I wasn’t in alignment with my intention, the energy of the Universe sent messages my way to remind me of how I wanted to be and also sent me “not caring” messages, because I was actually inadvertently asking for them.

Self-care is MORE than taking time for you.  Some people begin with eating healthier and exercising.  These are both great places to start, however, SELF-CARE is BIGGER than that.  It is paying attention to the words we choose and where we give our power away.   Whenever you say, I don’t know or I don’t care, you are giving your power away and in fact, asking for nobody to care.  The next time you find yourself saying those words, take a pause and really think about what you REALLY want in that situation.  I bet your will find new opportunities for you.

January 16, 2017

The Last Time

You never know the last time that your child might do something cute.  Especially if you have multiple kids.  The first time a child walks, talks, or has a milestone, we tend to take a lot of time and energy ogling over the experience.  The more kids you have, sometimes the less we remember to capture those moments, but you never know the last time you will witness their childlike glee in things that they enjoy.

I have 4 boys ranging from the ages of 17 to 7.  This year my son started to question me about the real Santa Claus.  I saw a post on facebook on how a family shared the news with their children about Santa Claus and it sounded like an awesome tradition and way to share the news with them in a fun way. I tried to explain to him one day that Santa wasn’t real and after our experience it didn’t work. He said, are we going to see the real santa now.

The evening of x-mas was absolutely amazing.  I saw the excitement on his face as we gathered the carrots for the reindeer and put out the milk and cookies for Santa.  It all had to be perfectly placed. I could see his eyes beaming from ear to ear. Then the following morning I got to see him run down the stairs and look at the tree.  He was so excited. His expression was priceless as I basked in the glow of witnessing and remembering this experience forever

Then the worst of all things happened.  Andy’s present decided to not arrive in the mail.  So I had to scramble and find a new gift for him  When he opened his gift he did not seem excited.  He also made a comment about seeing some of the wrapping paper in my office for one of the gifts. He was very quiet that day.

A couple weeks later he whispered to me.  My shoes weren’t from Santa you know., they were from you and Danny.  I don’t think there really is a Santa. My heart broke.   I tried to have the conversation with him so that he wouldn’t find out and be disappointed like he was. However, there is a part of me that is glad that I was able to witness his childlike joy and curiosity one last time.  If he knew Santa wasn’t real then I would not have this last experience of his childlike wonder.

You never know the last time you might experience a special moment with someone, so treasure every moment to its fullest.

last time

January 5, 2017

Has any one told you to stop playing the victim?

This past week I had two opportunities show up in my life that really tested me.  My family has been looking for a dog and it seemed like everything was falling into place with grace and ease.  I was excited and nervous at the same time.  I kept praying and asking for guidance on what we should do.  While I was a bit nervous, I decided to take the leap and follow the signs I kept getting from spirit.  On Friday this week, I received a message that the family decided to keep the dog.

Of course my heart broke hearing the news that was not expected.  My first reaction was, “Really God?  Why?  I thought all signs were leading in this direction and now things shifted.  What did I miss?”  I started blaming, getting angry at God and questioning all that had transpired.

My coach saw a post of mine and said “STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM”.  There is something better out there and God knows what the best answer is for your family.  He rearranged this for a reason.  Look for the evidence and expect that something is coming. Many other people provided thoughtful encouraging words, which was great.  But what really caught me in my tracks was “STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM JEN”.  Many people might not like hearing those words.  I didn’t like hearing it, but I GOT THE LESSON.  I loved all of the other supporting encouraging words from people, which was SUPER NICE.  Those messages didn’t get to the CORE of the issue at hand.  I was sulking.  I was playing small.  I was blaming God.  Really? What good is that going to do?

I had another instance happen with a very dear friend where I wanted something, but wasn’t clear on what I was asking for and when I didn’t get the response I was looking for, I shut down. I was already in a “bad place” emotionally and I PLAYED VICTIM AGAIN.  She didn’t tell me I was playing the victim, but was DIRECT and HONEST with her feelings and put me in my place.  I felt terrible and never meant any harm by what I said.  Subconsciously I was trying to get a reaction by not being honest with my own feelings.

This is what stepping into and claiming your power is all about.  LEAVING VICTIM MENTALITY BEHIND, no matter what the issue.  It could be as small as not getting the answer you were expecting to experiencing a death in the family.  There is a series of feelings that need to be felt, however, if you are not honest with yourself and others you pave the way for conflict and victim mentality in your relationships.

victimHow many times are people not really honest with you about how they feel for fear of hurting your feelings? Being nice doesn’t support your higher good.

Did I like hearing the feedback I got? NOPE.
Did I learn from it? YES
Will I be more cautious next time? YOU BET!

I intend to be OPEN, HONEST and DIRECT in my communications with people.  I also will keep up my enthusiasm and see the beauty and gift in every circumstance.  I will not let myself wallow in my own pain, but rather lift myself up and out.  I KNOW and BELIEVE that God is directly my life.  It won’t always look like a straight line, but if I continue to have faith, look for the evidence and expect bigger and better things, then something better will come around.

“Playing the victim only blinds you to your own flaws so you can never improve yourself.   Self pity is the easiest way to create unilateral misery”

January 3, 2017

Shift Your Energy Around Abundance

How do you feel about money and abundance? We all have a story around money, and it’s important to dive into it deeper. I attended a networking event once and the presentation was around understanding your perspectives around money and abundance and the story that many people have created for themselves.

It started with a quote from Albert Einstein: “Everything is energy and that is all there is to it, match the frequency of the reality you want and you can’t help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”

The speaker then described the functioning of the brain and how we train and wire the brain into patterns that are repeated over and over. If we want to make a change, we need to consciously retrain and wire the brain, just like a new habit. This is true for money and abundance, too.

Here are 3 steps to help you get clear about your relationship with money and abundance…

Step #1 – Discover your money story – Do you recall any of these comments in your life? Money doesn’t grow on trees, we can’t afford that, I don’t need to spend the money on X… These types of thoughts have become part of the story we defined for ourselves around money and abundance. God wants abundance for us. He wants to do great things for us in this world. Many of us hold on to these “stories” which in essence create negative energies around abundance. We need to believe that we are WORTHY of abundance. However, if we don’t believe and have faith, then we close our minds to the possibilities of what could be.

Step #2 – Operation Affirmation – We need to put good thoughts and energy into our lives. They say what comes around goes around. If you put out negative energy, then that is what you get back. If we are constantly saying I can’t afford that, or complaining about something, then those are the things we attract to ourselves. If you generate good prosperous thoughts, then positive energy is what you get back. When trying to think about abundance in any area of life, it is important to focus on an intention and positive affirmation. Here was an example: “I easily and effortlessly accept money and abundance into my life in expected and unexpected ways.” This doesn’t mean you are going to win the lottery and become a millionaire, but it opens up the pathway for abundance to flow through to you in however God or the Universe chooses to provide.

Step #3 – Promise to Self – Consistent intention to be deliberate and diligent is important. It’s one thing to say we want something and another thing to REALLY want it. How many people say, “I want to lose weight,” and don’t. It is one’s belief and then the actions that follow the belief that lead to the outcome. If you truly BELIEVE it will happen, then live as if you are where you want to be and the written or spoken words will begin to manifest.

I challenge you to think about your own personal beliefs and story around money and abundance. I truly believe that the universe and all living things are made of energy. Energy surrounds us and helps to create our futures. I have personally seen a variety of examples on how BELIEVING and having FAITH enables amazing things to happen.

Use these steps to help you get clear about your money and abundance stories, then shift your energy so that you can create the life that you want.