March 22, 2017

Do you hold onto things that Paralyze you?

How many of us hold on to things that paralyze us?

Something happens and we spin in a cycle of anger, shame or humiliation and can’t seem to get ourselves out of it. The only way out is through. Accept what happened, feel the wave of emotions and then let them go. All emotions are portals to our next phase of learning and healing  It does us no good to complain about a situation or to wallow in our suffering or anxiety.  It’s also important to know that there are no good or bad feelings.   All feelings show up to teach us a lesson.  We must not label them and look for the gift that is available to us.

When we thank the situation for the gifts that it brings, we are able to feel in the moment, lean into the lesson, let go and move on…

If you are angry, maybe the lesson is trust yourself more.
If you are shameful, maybe the lesson is to have more courage and be enthusiastic about taking bold steps in your future..
If you feel humiliation, maybe the lesson is to claim more respect
If you are 

Releae let go

I had an experience last week that was absolutely humiliating.  It created so much anxiety in my body that I almost couldn’t function.  I kept reliving the experience and beating myself up.  When I realized what I was doing, I decided to give myself a timeout to take a nice hot bath.  I needed quiet time with myself to feel into what my body was trying to tell me.  I wasn’t going to get answers from anyone else.  People could tell me to let it go, you are worrying over nothing, but no words that anyone said were going to heal the pain.  I needed quiet time alone with me to go within and feel into the lessons that were right there in front of me.  There was SO MUCH healing that took place from this crazy incident that I am now super grateful for it.

How often do we create more anxiety for ourselves than we have to?  We spend countless hours, worrying, contemplating, hiding, being afraid, contracting and playing small.  At what cost? The time spent is NOT serving us.  We need to learn how to acknowledge and own what is going on, feel into the lesson and move on.  That is the only way through.

When we feel an emotion, it makes the experience of the opposite that much deeper. Maybe the situation you are going through is allowing you to experience deeper levels of Trust, Courage and Respect for yourself. How great is that!

Be grateful, feel the emotions and then let go.

February 21, 2017

Thank You and It Takes A Village

Gift

As a special thanks to all of my subscribers, I have decided to provide some BONUSES for you. We all know that it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to help each of us grow in our own journey’s as well and I have 3 special offers for you.

 

 

1) FREE CONSULT: If you are someone who could use help in transforming your passions into actions for your life, I want to support you. I have challenged myself to serve 20 women in the next 2 weeks with a FREE consultation.  We will discuss how to help set you up for success so you claim what you really want for your life and your career.

To schedule your NO OBLIGATION consult click HERE

2) INFORMATIONAL INTERVIEWS: I am looking for volunteers to participate in a series of interviews around the challenge that women face in the corporate world. If you or someone you know would be a good candidate for this interview, please let me know.  I am scheduling to have interviews completed by the end of March.

To participate in an interview send an email to Jen@thefreedomkeys.com  (Draft Interview questions will be sent ahead of time so that you can prepare for our discussion)

3) SPOTLIGHT SECTION: I have decided to create a spotlight section in my newsletter to provide you with even more value and suggest other practitioners and resources that might be of benefit to you.  You will see our first Sponsor Highlight below.   If you are interested in a spotlight section, please send an email to Jen@thefreedomkeys.com 

I would like to Spotlight two friends Karen Carlson of Be Well Massage and Brenda Gray of Hypnosis for Change.  They are hosting an event that will enlighten you to 10 simple techniques you can integrate into your daily lives to create wellness, relaxation, and a sense of well-being.

You Won’t Believe How 10 Simple Wellness Techniques Will Change Your Life

Date: March 22, 2017
Time: 6-8:00pm
Place: Ruah Center, 1110 Washington Street, Naperville, IL
Tickets: http://bit.ly/2lxh4A9
Questions?  Call Brenda 815-557-9752 or Karen 630.542.7573

 

 

February 8, 2017

I Faced My Fear

How many of us have the courage to face our fears? Its so much easier to run away and hide from them, than it is to face them.  If we can point the finger or blame someone else for a situation, then we keep ourselves in that fear mentality.  We are choosing to not take responsibility in the moment.  How are we modeling that for our kids?  Do your kids see you talking about your fears and facing them?`

I want to share a recent story from my 7 year old son.  We went to his brothers hockey tournament and of course he wanted to stop at the snack bar and get a bag of chips for the game.  I gave him a couple of dollars and suggested that if he really wanted the snack that he could go to the counter and order himself.  He looked at me and said, “no you do it”.  I looked back at him and said, “mommy is right here.  If you really want the chips you will go and pay for it yourself.”  He proceeded to refuse.  I then told him I was NOT going to buy it for him.  As you can imagine he was not a happy little camper. He was very upset with me and didn’t want to speak to me. He was pouting.

face fearThe afternoon passed and a few hours later there was a second hockey game. Andy said mommy “can I have money for a snack? I’ll do it this time.”  I was surprised.  I watched and waited as he went to the snack bar all by himself.  He then came back and said “‘Mommy, I did it I faced my fear!”.

I was so proud of my little guy.  He must obviously hear me talk about facing our fears all the time for him to be so confident and proud in saying what he did.  This was a great example for me in standing my ground and not giving in just to please a kid.  He experience what it was like to pout and not get his way.  He learned it didn’t work.  Then next time he learned how to step up and take responsibility for his actions.

Happy Kid.  Happy Mom!

January 23, 2017

What are Three Little Words that Hurt Our Self Care Practices?

You hear phrases like, nurture yourself, self-care, take time for you, etc… You know self-care is important, but if you are overwhelmed like I was, you almost don’t know where to begin.  You know that something feels off.  You know that you have this burning desire for something more.  You know that in your gut that something is missing, BUT where do you even begin?  Will anyone even care if I start taking time out for me?  Will anyone even notice?  Will one small act REALLY make a difference?  You will be surprised at how little things can make a big difference.  The first step though is really looking at what you care about.

Do you REALLY care about how you look?
Do you REALLY care about how you are perceived?
Do you REALLY care about being put together?
Do you REALLY care that your house is messy or clean?

What we think to ourselves about ourselves REALLY does matter.  If we even think to ourselves that things really don’t matter, then we will continue to bring it on.  For what we think about, we bring about. I can remember as a little girl thinking that certain things didn’t really matter to me.  I didn’t care.

lovecarebodyThe 3 little words that hurt our self-care practice is “I DON’T CARE” or Nobody Cares!

How often you find yourself saying the words “I don’t care”.   If we look at this more closely, that means “SELF DOESN’T CARE”.  WOW.  We know our words are powerful, but when you continue to repeat the phrase I don’t care, you might not realize how often you are bringing “not caring” into your life.

Three years ago my word of the year was NURTURE.  I focused on self-care from a variety of different angles.   I began to take time for me.  I began to meditate, rest, eat better, focus on spiritual, mental and emotional aspects of self, however I forgot one piece “the physical”.  I let it go.I started off the year focusing on nurturing me, and then life and business got in the way.  I didn’t spend as much time on self- care.  I also didn’t realize that I was sabotaging myself by consistently using the words nobody cares.

I would find myself constantly saying, nobody cares around here.   Nobody gives a shit.  Does that sound familiar?  WOW!   Since my word of the year was NURTURE, the Universe was pushing things into my life to remind myself that my intention was to NURTURE myself.  So when I wasn’t in alignment with my intention, the energy of the Universe sent messages my way to remind me of how I wanted to be and also sent me “not caring” messages, because I was actually inadvertently asking for them.

Self-care is MORE than taking time for you.  Some people begin with eating healthier and exercising.  These are both great places to start, however, SELF-CARE is BIGGER than that.  It is paying attention to the words we choose and where we give our power away.   Whenever you say, I don’t know or I don’t care, you are giving your power away and in fact, asking for nobody to care.  The next time you find yourself saying those words, take a pause and really think about what you REALLY want in that situation.  I bet your will find new opportunities for you.

January 16, 2017

The Last Time

You never know the last time that your child might do something cute.  Especially if you have multiple kids.  The first time a child walks, talks, or has a milestone, we tend to take a lot of time and energy ogling over the experience.  The more kids you have, sometimes the less we remember to capture those moments, but you never know the last time you will witness their childlike glee in things that they enjoy.

I have 4 boys ranging from the ages of 17 to 7.  This year my son started to question me about the real Santa Claus.  I saw a post on facebook on how a family shared the news with their children about Santa Claus and it sounded like an awesome tradition and way to share the news with them in a fun way. I tried to explain to him one day that Santa wasn’t real and after our experience it didn’t work. He said, are we going to see the real santa now.

The evening of x-mas was absolutely amazing.  I saw the excitement on his face as we gathered the carrots for the reindeer and put out the milk and cookies for Santa.  It all had to be perfectly placed. I could see his eyes beaming from ear to ear. Then the following morning I got to see him run down the stairs and look at the tree.  He was so excited. His expression was priceless as I basked in the glow of witnessing and remembering this experience forever

Then the worst of all things happened.  Andy’s present decided to not arrive in the mail.  So I had to scramble and find a new gift for him  When he opened his gift he did not seem excited.  He also made a comment about seeing some of the wrapping paper in my office for one of the gifts. He was very quiet that day.

A couple weeks later he whispered to me.  My shoes weren’t from Santa you know., they were from you and Danny.  I don’t think there really is a Santa. My heart broke.   I tried to have the conversation with him so that he wouldn’t find out and be disappointed like he was. However, there is a part of me that is glad that I was able to witness his childlike joy and curiosity one last time.  If he knew Santa wasn’t real then I would not have this last experience of his childlike wonder.

You never know the last time you might experience a special moment with someone, so treasure every moment to its fullest.

last time

January 5, 2017

Has any one told you to stop playing the victim?

This past week I had two opportunities show up in my life that really tested me.  My family has been looking for a dog and it seemed like everything was falling into place with grace and ease.  I was excited and nervous at the same time.  I kept praying and asking for guidance on what we should do.  While I was a bit nervous, I decided to take the leap and follow the signs I kept getting from spirit.  On Friday this week, I received a message that the family decided to keep the dog.

Of course my heart broke hearing the news that was not expected.  My first reaction was, “Really God?  Why?  I thought all signs were leading in this direction and now things shifted.  What did I miss?”  I started blaming, getting angry at God and questioning all that had transpired.

My coach saw a post of mine and said “STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM”.  There is something better out there and God knows what the best answer is for your family.  He rearranged this for a reason.  Look for the evidence and expect that something is coming. Many other people provided thoughtful encouraging words, which was great.  But what really caught me in my tracks was “STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM JEN”.  Many people might not like hearing those words.  I didn’t like hearing it, but I GOT THE LESSON.  I loved all of the other supporting encouraging words from people, which was SUPER NICE.  Those messages didn’t get to the CORE of the issue at hand.  I was sulking.  I was playing small.  I was blaming God.  Really? What good is that going to do?

I had another instance happen with a very dear friend where I wanted something, but wasn’t clear on what I was asking for and when I didn’t get the response I was looking for, I shut down. I was already in a “bad place” emotionally and I PLAYED VICTIM AGAIN.  She didn’t tell me I was playing the victim, but was DIRECT and HONEST with her feelings and put me in my place.  I felt terrible and never meant any harm by what I said.  Subconsciously I was trying to get a reaction by not being honest with my own feelings.

This is what stepping into and claiming your power is all about.  LEAVING VICTIM MENTALITY BEHIND, no matter what the issue.  It could be as small as not getting the answer you were expecting to experiencing a death in the family.  There is a series of feelings that need to be felt, however, if you are not honest with yourself and others you pave the way for conflict and victim mentality in your relationships.

victimHow many times are people not really honest with you about how they feel for fear of hurting your feelings? Being nice doesn’t support your higher good.

Did I like hearing the feedback I got? NOPE.
Did I learn from it? YES
Will I be more cautious next time? YOU BET!

I intend to be OPEN, HONEST and DIRECT in my communications with people.  I also will keep up my enthusiasm and see the beauty and gift in every circumstance.  I will not let myself wallow in my own pain, but rather lift myself up and out.  I KNOW and BELIEVE that God is directly my life.  It won’t always look like a straight line, but if I continue to have faith, look for the evidence and expect bigger and better things, then something better will come around.

“Playing the victim only blinds you to your own flaws so you can never improve yourself.   Self pity is the easiest way to create unilateral misery”

May 1, 2016

A Child’s Wisdom and Mothers Blessing

As we prepare for Mothers day this weekend, I thought it was appropriate to share a mother son story for which I am so grateful.

A week after I left my corporate job, my 6 year old son came to snuggle in my chair with me.  He said, “Mommy, I don’t want to be cold”.  I sweetly said to him, “Oh buddy, you don’t have to be cold, let’s snuggle here under the blanket.”  He repeated again, “But mommy, I don’t want to be cold”.  At this point, I didn’t know what it was that he was really wanting.  What I knew was:

– He wanted to snuggle and
– He had just interrupted my meditation and morning routine.

How many of you find yourself doing your normal morning routine only to get interrupted?
It initially puts us off track!  As we begin to think about the other things that need to happen in the day, that will now be off because of having to deal with this particular situation.  But this morning, I wasn’t in a hurry to be anywhere.  I wasn’t worried about the next meeting I needed to go to, or the next activity on my list, so I allowed myself to be present in the moment with him.  I knew there was something else going on but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Then my husband came back upstairs and I shared with him what was going on.  He said, “Oh its Wed and its late day.  I take Andy to school early and drop him off around 845, but they won’t let the kids into school until 905 the earliest.”  I looked at my little baby and started to cry.  It was SUPER cold outside.  I don’t want to be outside for 2 minutes, let alone 20 minutes standing in the cold.   I weeped for my son.  I weeped that I didn’t know he stood out in the cold.  I felt so happy that I now had the opportunity to take him to school.  I could do things I wasn’t able to do before because of my corporate job.

Andy face

I made a commitment to my son.  We would have a date every Wed morning and I would drive him to school.  I would even drop him off in the front.  Big smiles lit up in Andy’s face as he knew that he was going to spend more time with mom and that he didn’t have to be cold.

When was the last time you stopped and allowed yourself to just be in the present moment with no expectations?   The next time your child interrupts you or something doesn’t go as planned, take a pause.  STOP AND NOTICE what lesson might be there for you in that moment.  Sometimes our children can be wiser than we are.  They are teachers for us, just as much as we are teachers for them.

May 1, 2016

A Child's Wisdom and Mothers Blessing

As we prepare for Mothers day this weekend, I thought it was appropriate to share a mother son story for which I am so grateful.

A week after I left my corporate job, my 6 year old son came to snuggle in my chair with me.  He said, “Mommy, I don’t want to be cold”.  I sweetly said to him, “Oh buddy, you don’t have to be cold, let’s snuggle here under the blanket.”  He repeated again, “But mommy, I don’t want to be cold”.  At this point, I didn’t know what it was that he was really wanting.  What I knew was:

– He wanted to snuggle and
– He had just interrupted my meditation and morning routine.

How many of you find yourself doing your normal morning routine only to get interrupted?
It initially puts us off track!  As we begin to think about the other things that need to happen in the day, that will now be off because of having to deal with this particular situation.  But this morning, I wasn’t in a hurry to be anywhere.  I wasn’t worried about the next meeting I needed to go to, or the next activity on my list, so I allowed myself to be present in the moment with him.  I knew there was something else going on but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Then my husband came back upstairs and I shared with him what was going on.  He said, “Oh its Wed and its late day.  I take Andy to school early and drop him off around 845, but they won’t let the kids into school until 905 the earliest.”  I looked at my little baby and started to cry.  It was SUPER cold outside.  I don’t want to be outside for 2 minutes, let alone 20 minutes standing in the cold.   I weeped for my son.  I weeped that I didn’t know he stood out in the cold.  I felt so happy that I now had the opportunity to take him to school.  I could do things I wasn’t able to do before because of my corporate job.

Andy face

I made a commitment to my son.  We would have a date every Wed morning and I would drive him to school.  I would even drop him off in the front.  Big smiles lit up in Andy’s face as he knew that he was going to spend more time with mom and that he didn’t have to be cold.

When was the last time you stopped and allowed yourself to just be in the present moment with no expectations?   The next time your child interrupts you or something doesn’t go as planned, take a pause.  STOP AND NOTICE what lesson might be there for you in that moment.  Sometimes our children can be wiser than we are.  They are teachers for us, just as much as we are teachers for them.

March 24, 2016

Why Do I Do The Things I Do?

How often do you reflect and ask yourself the question, “Why do I do the things that I do?”

I have been on this personal self-discovery journey and there are times I get mad, frustrated and angry at myself for how I handled a situation. It’s like I know better, but yet, I still can’t seem to get past doing the same thing that I KNOW isn’t working, but keep doing it anyway. I pray and ask for support and yet, still find myself “stuck in a muck”.

Through conscious journaling, meditation and reflection, I have found that when you are OPEN to taking a new step and become more AWARE, you are able to begin putting patterns together. In this new state of being, you are able to identify what is really underneath the unconscious habits that drive your life every single day.

Tony Robbins says it well, we all have 6 human needs that drive our every day actions. Our behaviors are simply an attempt to meet those needs.

Inner Outer
Basic Certainty – assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure; comfort and safety Uncertainty– the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli; variety
Self Significance – feeling unique, important, special or needed; “feeling that I matter” Connection – a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
Spirit Growth – an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding Contribution – a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

Our inability to consistently meet these needs can result in dysfunctional behaviors. When our attempts at fulfillment fail, we settle and allow ourselves to play small. We end up living in a lower vibrational state of being.
Do you find yourself saying:

“There has to be something more to life!”
“I wish I had more time to balance everything I want to do?”
“I want more connection and intimate relationships?”

I encourage you to see what needs you might be striving to fulfill. There is a payoff for all of our actions, but are we dis-empowering ourselves and others in the process? What are your behaviors and actions costing you?

January 11, 2016

12 Days of Xmas – Lessons my Corporate Job Taught Me

My final days in Corporate America have come to a close after 20 years and I am so very grateful for all of the amazing opportunities I have had during that time.   I wanted to share some  words on the lessons my corporate job has given to me over the years….

On the 12th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me… my first job coding in Assembler –
Keep your options open. You never know how you might expand your skillset and where an opportunity might take you.  (I had no idea that I would be where I am today after learning how to code 0’s and 1’s at my first client) 

On the 11th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me… EARC events, camping, white water rafting and ski trips on my first staffing assignment.  Using meditation and laughter while finalizing a deliverable.
Don’t be so serious. Have some fun, both inside and outside the office.  Take breaks.  Use laughter and silence to lighten up any situation. 

On the 10th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me…working until 3am on Thanksgiving morning my first year.
Never compromise your health (You need plenty of rest and nourishment to truly be your best)

On the 9th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me… a 100 min commute each way to the office
Look on the bright side, it’s a great opportunity to catch up on books on tape

On the 8th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me, the opportunity to make tons of mistakes and learn from them.
Let go of the need to be perfect. Don’t ask for permission, ask for forgiveness.

On the 7th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me, the flexibility to manage my schedule around my personal and family priorities
Set boundaries and ask for what you want

On the 6th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me, a few extra pounds over the years (ok maybe more than a few)
Go out to lunch, don’t eat at your desk.  Relationship building is part of your job.

On the 5th day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me, a 20 min walk to the metra station
Built in time to workout (You get to count extra steps each day to & from the office) They plan this beautifully, so you go out to lunch, but get to walk it off each day.  Brilliant plan…

On the 4th day of x-mas, Corporate America gave to me, opportunities to use my skills, writing this blog, promoting my book, speaking at International Women’s Day to name a few.
You are responsible for your career.  Toot your own horn

On the 3rd day of x-mas, Corporate America gave to me, the opportunity to be a manager for over 15 years with a flexible schedule.
There is no rewind button.  Set your priorities.  Money and promotions are not everything.  Be ambitious, but also do what makes you happy.  Cherish your relationships and make time for what is important 

On the 2nd day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me, friendships that will last a lifetime.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.   I will cherish all of the relationships and connections I have made through the years. 

On the 1st day of x-mas Corporate America gave to me, the chance to stretch my abilities and pilot new ideas.
Bring your authentic self to the table.
THINK IT, INK IT, DREAM IT, ACHIEVE IT.

Never stop dreaming.
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” Walt Disney

In honor of beginning my new journey, I am offering a complementary discovery call. Schedule your call here.

 “Listen to the whispers, learn to embrace silence and live a life of presence and purpose.”