November 19, 2015

An Unexpected Gift & Nugget of Wisdom

What a beautiful unexpected gift on my way to Asheville NC last week.  When I walked to my seat on the plane, I sat next to a woman who was playing games on her ipad.  I initially planned on minding my own business and reading a book, but God had other plans.

I reached out to ask her what she did and she said that she was a pastor and was flying into town for a funeral.   We ended up enjoying a lovely time together and talked the entire trip.  Talk about living in the moment.  I don’t think I have ever spoken to a complete stranger with such in depth discussion.  What a beautiful gift.

When I shared with her about my business ventures, as a women’s transformation coach, she was intrigued to speak with me more.  She could see the fire light up in my eyes when I spoke about what I love to do and my mission in the world.   She is 71 years old, has a doctorate in divinity, is recently retired and lives with her brothers, but has been a pastor for many years of her life.

Embrace the gift 3I asked her what is one nugget of wisdom she would give to me on my life’s journey.   She said spend every morning in silence and listen to what God is calling you to do.   Most people don’t spend enough time being quiet and still.  She shared that she has learned so much from people as they were dying. Many of them said they followed the rules of what they were EXPECTED to do.  They listened to what other people told them they SHOULD do.  They worked hard, but said “where is the life in life?”  On their death beds, many of them realized that they had not really lived their life, but at this point, it was too late to go back.

She shared that many well meaning faith-filled people live on the beliefs they were taught as a child.  They follow the rules and do what they are told, but have never reached a point where they stop doing what they are expected to do.  They never really develop a close relationship with God where they feel like they are truly LIVING and DOING what God wants them to do in their lives.

I was fascinated and blessed to have the honor of sitting next to someone with years of experience as a pastor all to myself.  She said it was such a pleasure to meet me and wanted to ensure that I knew it was Divine Guidance that we were sitting together.  It was a reminder and a sign from God that I am on the right path and am doing the work I am meant to do in this world.

We ended with a good bye hug.  She wished me well and said God Bless me on my new journey.  I will likely never see her again, but will remember those 2 hours forever.   Some people come into your life, for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  This encounter was for a reason, to remind me to have faith in the path that God has chosen for me.   WOW!

Enjoy living in the present moment.  You never know what gift might be there for you.  God may have sent someone for 2 hours for just one reason, but if we are not open and present to it, we could totally miss the opportunity.

 

November 19, 2015

An Unexpected Gift & Nugget of Wisdom

What a beautiful unexpected gift on my way to Asheville NC last week.  When I walked to my seat on the plane, I sat next to a woman who was playing games on her ipad.  I initially planned on minding my own business and reading a book, but God had other plans.

I reached out to ask her what she did and she said that she was a pastor and was flying into town for a funeral.   We ended up enjoying a lovely time together and talked the entire trip.  Talk about living in the moment.  I don’t think I have ever spoken to a complete stranger with such in depth discussion.  What a beautiful gift.

When I shared with her about my business ventures, as a women’s transformation coach, she was intrigued to speak with me more.  She could see the fire light up in my eyes when I spoke about what I love to do and my mission in the world.   She is 71 years old, has a doctorate in divinity, is recently retired and lives with her brothers, but has been a pastor for many years of her life.

Embrace the gift 3I asked her what is one nugget of wisdom she would give to me on my life’s journey.   She said spend every morning in silence and listen to what God is calling you to do.   Most people don’t spend enough time being quiet and still.  She shared that she has learned so much from people as they were dying. Many of them said they followed the rules of what they were EXPECTED to do.  They listened to what other people told them they SHOULD do.  They worked hard, but said “where is the life in life?”  On their death beds, many of them realized that they had not really lived their life, but at this point, it was too late to go back.

She shared that many well meaning faith-filled people live on the beliefs they were taught as a child.  They follow the rules and do what they are told, but have never reached a point where they stop doing what they are expected to do.  They never really develop a close relationship with God where they feel like they are truly LIVING and DOING what God wants them to do in their lives.

I was fascinated and blessed to have the honor of sitting next to someone with years of experience as a pastor all to myself.  She said it was such a pleasure to meet me and wanted to ensure that I knew it was Divine Guidance that we were sitting together.  It was a reminder and a sign from God that I am on the right path and am doing the work I am meant to do in this world.

We ended with a good bye hug.  She wished me well and said God Bless me on my new journey.  I will likely never see her again, but will remember those 2 hours forever.   Some people come into your life, for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  This encounter was for a reason, to remind me to have faith in the path that God has chosen for me.   WOW!

Enjoy living in the present moment.  You never know what gift might be there for you.  God may have sent someone for 2 hours for just one reason, but if we are not open and present to it, we could totally miss the opportunity.

 

October 3, 2015

A Turnaround Lesson: Seeing the Gift after a Child Steals

I felt called to share a recent happening in my home in hope that it might inspire or help someone else. One of my boys was recently caught stealing.  I was so mad and angry at him for stealing and lying that I reached out for help. My initial thought was that he needed some kind of counseling, why would he behave like this? Seriously what would people think if they knew?  However, as a talked with a few people close to me I realized this was more common than I had thought & that I had a stigma in my mind about it. One friend suggested that I take a look at Byron Katie’s The Work.

shutterstock_95054827She has an activity call “Judge Your Neighbor”, where you take a situation and basically turn it back around on your self. I decided to give it a shot and allowed myself space to get into the heart of the lesson for me in this whole situation. It had such a profound effect, I wanted to share the results of the activity AND what happened afterward.

HOW I FELT ABOUT MY SON: I am mad at my son for being irresponsible. I am mad at him for stealing and taking from other people. I am mad at him for lying about it. I am mad that he doesn’t respect and understand the value of money.

THE TURNAROUND TO ME: I forgive myself for believing I am not responsible with money. I forgive myself for not teaching my children the value of money. I forgive myself for not teaching my children how to earn money and giving them whatever they want. I forgive myself for being selfish and not taking a leap to share my message more broadly in service of others. I forgive myself for not teaching my children the value of service & the exchange of giving & receiving (love, money etc…).

I forgive myself for believing in scarcity and that there is not enough money in the world. I forgive myself for not investing money in my boys and judging the things that I spend money on. I forgive myself for only spending money on things that I feel are worth investing in. I forgive myself for not valuing and investing in all of my boys equally.

WHAT I DESIRE FOR HIM: I would love for my son to become responsible. I would love for him to be responsible with money. I would love for him to learn how to give and receive. I would love for him to build his self-confidence and know that he is loved, whole and complete for who he is.  I would love for him to stop hiding behind excuses and find something he loves to do and do it.

Wow! What an amazing gift this challenge has brought to me and my family. Everything I desired for him, I could turn right back around and desire for myself.  What I initially thought was a tragic event that I had to deal with, has now become a blessing and the medicine that I needed to move into the next phase of my own journey.  What a gift, that I never would have expected.

I believe that when we ask God for something he provides, but many times we don’t listen.  Or we don’t like how he answers our prayers and we keep looking right past the answer. Sometimes when we pass by the answer too many times, he uses things to really get our attention. This one definitely caught my attention as there was a lesson for me here as well as my son.

I was able to see the lesson for me and shift some things on my end as opposed to just focusing on my son.  He ended up earning the money to pay the money back in additional to understanding the consequence of his actions.  What happened next though is an amazing shift in my sons attitude and energy towards me.  I felt the energy and connection between us shift in a way that I didn’t see possible before.

You see, when I let go of my judgement of him and his actions as well as the judgement on myself for my own feelings, he and I were able to connect at a different level in a place of love instead of fear.  We raised the vibration in our entire home.  So, the next time, someone (whether it be a colleague or a loved one) does something that triggers you or pisses you off and you want to blame them for what has happened, take a step back to reflect on the lesson that is meant for you in the situation.  You might have just received a beautiful unexpected gift or the answer to a prayer.

September 23, 2015

Parenting your Child through an Emotional Meltdown

Do you have kids between the ages of 4 and 12? Have you experienced the drama around an emotional meltdown with your kids? If yes, then this blog is for you, see how you can sign up for a FREE workshop and learn a 3 step process for helping your kids manage their intense emotions.

Having 4 boys, I have seen more than my fair share of meltdowns and I could have used this training when all of the kids were smaller. Just the other day one of my kids begged and pleaded with me to sleep over at a friend’s house. I told him before the party, no sleepovers. Later in the evening he texted me begging and pleading. Then called me and begged some more, saying he was the only one who was not being allowed to sleep over. I could sense the energy between our conversation was not going where I wanted it to go.

I repeatedly told him no. Then I started to feel my heart racing and my blood pressure rising, as I said no for the nth time. I didn’t want to raise my voice and yell, but I also didn’t want him to freak out or shutdown. My little 6 year old was standing there staring at me with a confused look on his face as he could hear the tension rising. “How do you stay calm and help your child when they are melting down, freaking out or shutting down?” I took a deep breathe and said, I love, you, I have already told you nicely the answer is no. If I have to say it again your phone will be gone for next week. He nicely said good bye and hung up the phone. I felt bad after he hung up thinking. – Did I do the right thing? – – Is he going to be mad at me? – Is he going to give me the silent treatment when he gets home? – Is he going to give me a problem getting up for church in the morning? It’s a fine balance in keeping yourself calm, staying true to yourself, helping them, but also being a good example for the other children that are watching your every move.

Calming CompassA friend of mine Kimberly is hosting a free FREE online workshop on Parenting your Child through an Emotional Meltdown on Sept 23rd at 6PMCST or Sept 24th at 11am CST. Sign up at www.calmingcompass.com. She has an amazing program that helps parents learn how to guide their kids through meltdowns, power struggles and anxieties so they can create more calm, compassion and connection with their family.

Here’s what you’ll learn in the 3-step path hands-on workshop:
• Uncover the common (and often overlooked) 4 triggers that cause parents to lose it. Understand these and you’ll be able to move out of reaction mode and into confidently responding to your child’s emotions.
• Create your personal Meltdown Map to help you drastically reduce meltdowns.
• Discover 3 common mistakes that actually make meltdowns worse (many parents make these without realizing it.)
• Learn 3 proven tools you can teach your children so they can better calm themselves.
• And there will be a live Q&A at the end so you can get your specific questions answered.

Feel free to forward along to anyone else who you think might benefit from this amazing FREE workshop.

September 15, 2015

STOP and NOTICE

If we truly want to end body shaming and deprivation, we must be willing and open to say YES to ourselves. Sometimes it can appear easier to say no and close the door to new possibilities. When we choose comfort and safety over the unknown, we end up hiding from reality and our own truth. The truth is, change is the only real constant in our lives.

Life is constantly offering you opportunity – as simple as right or left, black or white.  The choices you make usually can be distilled into the simplicity of yes or no.  If you are not open to change and newness, you are mired in a state of fear. Your vibration is low, and you attract more of the same.  Your belief system no longer serves you.

Stop and Notice – I encourage you to STOP and NOTICE the choices that you make on a daily basis. When you say YES to you, you unlock the door to the treasure within.
“Be Still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

FREEDOM CHALLENGE: What is ONE THING you can do today to STOP and NOTICE to say yes to you?

If you are ready to learn how to stop the madness, listen to the wisdom of your body and allow yourself permission to evolve,schedule a complimentary consultation here. 

September 8, 2015

Tennis Baseball and a Sacred Labyrinth Walk

What do Tennis Baseball and a Sacred Labyinth have in common? My boys and living to enjoy the moment.

Last week I attended an event by a local group called Think Wholistic at a labrynth here in Naperville, Il. My first experience with a labyrinth was when Beth Majerszky planned a wellness retreat for my 40th birthday party. Walking a labyrinth is a spiritual experience & provided wisdom & guidance on my life’s journey.

So when I heard there was a labyrinth event close to my house, I packed up my 4 kids for the evening. I took them to a ball field to play tennis baseball (a new invention for my family), a couple blocks away from the labrynth. We played for a while and then I told them I was going to go to an event for about an hour. They could continue to play and then we could all go out for dinner. They all agreed.

At the event, I learned so many things about the history of the labyrinth in downtown Naperville, it was absolutely amazing. The couple who designed and built it (Debi Kermeen) were there to share stories with us about how it came to be and the their journey to building over 80 Labyrinths across the US. (Labyrinths in Stone) When God called them to begin this work, they had no idea how many lives would be touched by their work Hearing their story and mission created an even greater depth of the labyrinth experience. I was honored to be a part of this journey.
labyrinthThe best part is what came next. My four boys were done with their game and came to sit in the background while the talk was still going on. Then came time to walk the labyrinth. There were beautiful flowers and pictures in the middle along with candles all along the outsides. My 6 year old was very excited and wanted to participate. Before I knew it, all of my kids came over and were intrigued by what all the fuss was with walking a labyrinth. I watched them as they watched everyone else. They took their shoes and socks off and began to walk the sacred journey in silence. I watched as each one of them wanted to participate in some way. My little guy walked behind my friend Beth like her little shadow. I stood there in absolute amazement that my boys would willingly participate in this activity. If I would have told them I wanted them to participate, I am certain I would have gotten some interesting looks. But to my amazement they were drawn by the power and energy of the labyrinth and all participated in some way in the experience.

Not only was I able to experience this meditative sacred walk, but my family was able to experience a part of me and something that I enjoy. I am truly blessed and humbled by the experience and will remember and cherish this special day always.

If you have never experienced a labyrinth, I encourage you to look for one near you. Take time in silence and experience meditation and mindfulness in a different way.

August 24, 2015

10 Commandments of a Winner

As the kids go back to school this week, I wanted to start them off with some foundational lessons to set the intention for a GREAT year. There is so much pressure and competition whether it be in school, sports activities or life itself. I came across this artice on the 10 Commandment of a Winner. I shared it with my kids and wanted to share with you. The moral behind the story is that winning isn’t about beating the competition, getting straight A’s, getting the starring role in the play or getting that promotion. Being a WINNER is about taking responsibility for your actions and putting forth the effort to DO YOUR BEST with INTEGRITY.

1) When a winner makes a mistake, he says “I was wrong”,
When a loser makes a mistake, he says “It wasn’t my fault”
2) A winner credits good luck for winning
A loser credits bad luck to everything
3) A winner works smart and has more time
A loser is always too busy to do what is necessary
4) A winner shows he’s sorry by making up for it
A loser says I’m sorry but does the same thing over and over
5) A winner goes through and embraces challenges
A loser resists and avoids the challenge
6) A winner knows what to fight for and compromise on
A loser compromises on what he shouldn’t & fights for what isn’t worth it
7) A winner says “I’m good, but know I can always be better”
A loser compares himself to others & says “I am not as bad as alot of other people”
8) A winner would rather be admired than liked
A loser would rather be liked than admired and is even willing to pay the price for it
9) A winner respects those we are superior to him and tries to learn from them
A loser resents those superior to him and tries to find things wrong with others
10) A winner feels responsibility for more than his job
A loser says I only work here and show up because I have to

As much as I would love for my kids to get straight A’s in school, what I really want for them is to put forth their BEST EFFORT and live by what it means to be a WINNER. I love the line from the movie Facing the Giants “We praise him when we win and we praise him when we lose”. It’s not about winning the game, it’s about winning the game of life and teaching character to our kids.

I hope there is something here that resonated with you, that you can apply in your own life or share as a lesson with your teams or your children.

July 2, 2015

4 Different Boys, 4 Different Joys and 4 Different Challenges

Having teenagers isn’t always the easiest job in the world and some days it might not seem gratifying either. I am still new in the teenage years, and I am sure many of you can relate to this story, but it touched my heart so deeply that I felt the desire to share with others.

I have 4 boys ages, 15, 13, 11 and 6. Over the years, we didn’t play alot of tea party in my house, but there was plenty of opportunities for physical contact and play. In addition, most of my boys are not as vocal and chatty as I am, so I had to be very strategic about how I could bond and get information from my boys. I would love to have my kids come home from school and share with me all the details about their day like many of their female friends did, but that is not typically how my boys rolled.

When I read this article, tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my face, as I thought about one of my boys. He and I don’t have the ideal mother son relationship a parent dreams they would have with their child. In fact, our relationship is one in which we continue to butt heads over and over again. In his eyes, I always tend to be the “mean” parent. I love him dearly, but just can’t seem to understand him and his choices. My heart cries out in pain when I think about how he must be feeling, but he continues to shut himself away from me.

He is very different than me, so I know that I have to be sensitive and use a different approach than with my other kids, but even still, I sometimes find myself challenged ready to pull my hair out not knowing if what I am doing is right or wrong.

While this article touched my heart, it also made me realize that I am not alone. Other parents and teens are feeling this way as well. I didn’t expect parenthood to be perfect, but its helpful to see the pain like this that someone else faces, to know that I didn’t screw up. It’s easy to doubt myself as a parent, wondering, “Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right thing? What could I have done different?

The answer might be, that I did exactly what needed to be done. My son might not like what I said or did, but he knows deep down that I love him. He knows that I will always be there for him no matter what.

My two favorite lines from the article:

– “This is the fight that will teach me that my shadow is not bigger than my light.”
– “Don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on this fight. I need it.”

From what I have learned, I can’t change my son. I can encourage him to make different choices, but in the end, it is his choice. If I try to save my son, and spare him from the pain, I will be doing him a dis-service. The best thing I can do is pray for him everyday that God will lead him in the right direction and ask God for the strength in how I need to support him. He is here on this earth to fulfill a purpose. What it is, I don’t know. He might not even know, but his soul does and God does. I need to trust that I am doing everything in my power to provide him with a good solid foundation for learning how to be the best HIMSELF he could be. When I stand in my power and stay true to myself, I am modeling the example for him to do that for himself. When he is ready for it, he will choose in the direction of his heart, in God’s time, not mine.

For now, I will lead by example, pray, have faith and will desperately hold onto the other end of the rope.

Here is the full article

June 17, 2015

How Stuffing your Emotions Doesn’t Make the Pain Go Away

This story might sound crazy but its true.

My son wasn’t feeling well last week and said he had a stomach ache, so we let him stay home from school. He ended up throwing up and feeling miserable for the day. We took care of him and thought it would be a 24 hour bug and he could go back to school the next day.

The next day arose and he was cranky, whining and moaning. He didn’t really look sick, but there was something about him that was just off. My “Spidey Mom Senses” started to kick in. There was something NOT normal about this sickness but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I could hear him moaning in the other room from my office. Sometimes, he would knock on my office door and give me the pitiful puppy dog look. Like there was something he wanted to tell me, but yet not really.

I looked up “stomach issues” in louise hay’s book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE and the possible cause was “dread” or “fear of the new”. I thought to myself, what could this mean? I know he is moving into middle school, but that is 3 months away and school is almost out. There has got to more behind this so called stomach issue. What could he be afraid of? What is he dreading and not telling us? I was stumped! So I decided to call my amazing chiropractor, and they squeezed us in for an appointment.

During the exam, doc said that Danny’s digestive system was out of whack and adjusted him. Then he noticed something about his arm. I said Danny is a catcher, could there be something wrong with his arm? He then refocused his exam on Danny’s arm. It turns out, doc said his issues were related to improper form in throwing the ball. He has been straining his arm by not following through on his throws and the continued bad habit has been putting strain on his arm. Danny of course didn’t say anything to us about his arm being sore, but doc assured me, he was likely sore and could feel it. Danny had played in a tournament the weekend before he got sick and the continued improper throwing just aggravated it enough to start impacting other parts of his system.

As a health coach, I understand the concept that when one part of the body is “out of whack” the body begins to compensate in other ways. I was so pleased to hear a reasonable explanation that aligned with my spidey senses. He was afraid of telling everyone his arm hurt, for fear that they wouldn’t let him play. So because he has stuffing and hiding his feelings and pain, his body decided to compensate and show us in others ways. WOW! This amazed me the power of the body in how it know how to communicate with us to get our attention.

Doc shared that he himself played competitive softball and that if he didn’t focus on following through he would continue to cause strain on his arm, possibility resulting in other health issues in the future.

You never know how a physical, mental, emotional or energetic imbalance can really impact a person’s overall health. When you stuff your emotions and don’t tell someone or take actions to address it, the issue won’t just GO AWAY. The hurt or pain will linger and may cause other health related issues. Listen to the wisdom of your body when something doesn’t feel right, it is your gateway to healing.

May 31, 2015

Why do I do the things I do?

How often do you reflect and ask yourself the question, “Why do I do the things that I do?”

I have been on this personal self-discovery journey and there are times I get mad, frustrated and angry at myself for how I handled a situation. It’s like I know better, but yet, I still can’t seem to get past doing the same thing that I KNOW isn’t working, but keep doing it anyway. I pray and ask for support and yet, still find myself “stuck in a muck”.

Through conscious journaling, meditation and reflection, I have found that when you are OPEN to taking a new step and become more AWARE, you are able to begin putting patterns together. In this new state of being, you are able to identify what is really underneath the unconscious habits that drive your life every single day.

Tony Robbins says it well, we all have 6 human needs that drive our every day actions. Our behaviors are simply an attempt to meet those needs.

Inner Outer
Basic Certainty – assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure; comfort and saftety Uncertainty– the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli; variety
Self Significance – feeling unique, important, special or needed; “feeling that I matter” Connection – a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
Spirit Growth – an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding Contribution – a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

1. Certainty: Certainty provides us a sense of comfort or safety. It is a place where we know what to expect about things and others behaviors. It feeds our need in striving to control all aspects of our lives and provides the ability to predict what will happen. It gives us an overall sense of knowing, comfort and safety.

2. Uncertainty: Doing the same thing all the time can get boring. We have a desire to shake things up and try new things. When we feel safe, we can relax and open up to the possibility of uncertainy, where we feel alive and engaged.

3. Significance: We have the desire for meaning and purpose in our lives. We want to feel important and valued; like we matter. Some people fill this need by competing with others or putting other people down to make themselves look good. When you point a finger at someone else it can be feeding your personal need of significance.

4. Connection/Love: We are social beings and connecting with people is important. Without connection, we can easily get lonely. We bond with others and form connections as an extension of ourselves.

“The force of life is the drive for fulfillment; we all have a need to experience a life of meaning. Fulfillment can only be achieved through a pattern of living in which we focus on two spiritual needs:”

5. Growth: Beyond fulfilling the previous needs, we have a desire for continuous growth and evolution. To increase our knowledge and become more than we are.

6. Contribution: Contributing beyond ourselves in a meaningful way. By actively contributing rather than just belonging, we increase our connections and expand the difference we are making in the world.

Our inability to consistently meet these needs can result in dysfunctional behaviors. When our attempts at fulfillment fail, we settle and allow ourselves to play small. We end up living in a lower vibrational state of being.

I encourage you to see what needs you might be striving to fulfill. There is a payoff for all of our actions, but are we dis-empowering ourselves and others in the process? What are your behaviors and actions costing you? Look to replace those needs with things that empower and support others.

For more details check out the following link