Having teenagers isn’t always the easiest job in the world and some days it might not seem gratifying either. I am still new in the teenage years, and I am sure many of you can relate to this story, but it touched my heart so deeply that I felt the desire to share with others.
I have 4 boys ages, 15, 13, 11 and 6. Over the years, we didn’t play alot of tea party in my house, but there was plenty of opportunities for physical contact and play. In addition, most of my boys are not as vocal and chatty as I am, so I had to be very strategic about how I could bond and get information from my boys. I would love to have my kids come home from school and share with me all the details about their day like many of their female friends did, but that is not typically how my boys rolled.
When I read this article, tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my face, as I thought about one of my boys. He and I don’t have the ideal mother son relationship a parent dreams they would have with their child. In fact, our relationship is one in which we continue to butt heads over and over again. In his eyes, I always tend to be the “mean” parent. I love him dearly, but just can’t seem to understand him and his choices. My heart cries out in pain when I think about how he must be feeling, but he continues to shut himself away from me.
He is very different than me, so I know that I have to be sensitive and use a different approach than with my other kids, but even still, I sometimes find myself challenged ready to pull my hair out not knowing if what I am doing is right or wrong.
While this article touched my heart, it also made me realize that I am not alone. Other parents and teens are feeling this way as well. I didn’t expect parenthood to be perfect, but its helpful to see the pain like this that someone else faces, to know that I didn’t screw up. It’s easy to doubt myself as a parent, wondering, “Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right thing? What could I have done different?
The answer might be, that I did exactly what needed to be done. My son might not like what I said or did, but he knows deep down that I love him. He knows that I will always be there for him no matter what.
My two favorite lines from the article:
– “This is the fight that will teach me that my shadow is not bigger than my light.”
– “Don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on this fight. I need it.”
From what I have learned, I can’t change my son. I can encourage him to make different choices, but in the end, it is his choice. If I try to save my son, and spare him from the pain, I will be doing him a dis-service. The best thing I can do is pray for him everyday that God will lead him in the right direction and ask God for the strength in how I need to support him. He is here on this earth to fulfill a purpose. What it is, I don’t know. He might not even know, but his soul does and God does. I need to trust that I am doing everything in my power to provide him with a good solid foundation for learning how to be the best HIMSELF he could be. When I stand in my power and stay true to myself, I am modeling the example for him to do that for himself. When he is ready for it, he will choose in the direction of his heart, in God’s time, not mine.
For now, I will lead by example, pray, have faith and will desperately hold onto the other end of the rope.
Here is the full article